only word for this week is tired~

mood swing~

all i wanna do is sleep~

I am so glad i am not in DBS!!! =X but at some time it might be fun~ i had to draw almost 1 tube of blood..to test for immunity for hepatitis B, as we will be handling cells, tissue, and of course blood samples..

i had a fun experience...the nurse tighten the belt thingy on my arm..knock knock my veins..but the next thing she say was..."omg ur vein is so small here~" my veins are rather obvious at my arm, but when it reaches my elbow area, it just shrink...i have no idea why..so..she was like...er..er..er..i will try using the smallest needle tat i have" erm..so within seconds the needle was in..i felt a pricking pain...for a few seconds my blood never flow...upon some knocking...it flowed~ very slowly.. took half a min to fill the tube..all tat was left on my arm is a dot...

but today, when i saw the some of my classmates arms..they had blueblack..tat is cos their needles were thicker then mine~ phew...

i cant be in DBS, cos...my vein is too small at elbow to draw..if really need to draw..it will be drawn from my hand..

tired..i wanna sleep le..nites..

7:25 PM sHaRiLyN LiM

is it something wrong with me?
i realise, i am always sitting alone~
i realise i dun have a group of friends...
i realise friends abandon me...
i realise i feel lonely during breaks,
i realise friendship are always lower than relationship
i realise my mood goes together with the weather,
i realise i miss those times in a school relationship
i realise life without seniors are bad,
i realise in here in my heart i am truly lonely
i realise i have abandon myself
i realise i have seen reality

but~

why am i sitting alone?
why am i feeling sad?
why do i feel like crying?
why do i feel so outcasted?
why do i feel i belong to no where?
why i cannt find the purpose of my life

still~

i believe i have seniors that love me,
i believe there is a place in this world for me,
i believe there is a purpose of living
i believe i have friends
i believe i am not sitting here alone,

still~

when i turn and look, i saw no one but my shadow,
and the drizzling of rain mixed wit my tears...

i have always ask fate~ why is it me?
no matter where i go, i always find myself sitting alone..
though the reasons of me sitting alone is different..
but i always see myself sitting alone...
when will i not sit alone?

can i turn clock back to 2 years ago?
where there is someone there for me..
there is a group of friends with me,
there is a place call 2nd home for me,
where i always look forward to breaks,
where i always love going to 2nd home,
where i always have him to guide me,
where i have always not sit alone...

the answer is: I cant~

to you..
i am just a substitute
a substitute of him not being there in class for u,
being there during breaks where he cant be there,
i am just a substitute for him,
just a substitute so u wont sit alone in class,
a substitute to talk to u when he is not around,
a mere substitute that u can abandon during breaks,
just to be with him...
u have shown me friendship is just a substitute for relationship,
you have shown me i am a substitute..


live with it, is wat fate tells me~

10:38 AM sHaRiLyN LiM

it is almost 1 week blogged...

i also duno wat i am busying abt...i only noe i have been busying with my mum...she had strain her calf muscle 1 week ago..making her in pain when walking..she went to see a doctor who gave her useless medicine...it got so worse till her whole leg is a peice of extra large blueblack.. since i am a science student, u cant expect me to see my mum in pain and not doing anything...

so i had to revise on a bit of anatomy on the blood flow and help her massage her leg in 1 direction which in turn strain my hands..i always ended up exhausted after helping her and simply plogged into bed shagged...also have to thank adeline kho for her advises really did help alot..

so here...lets say, i really need people to understand my situation now..and dun push me anymore further...the more u push the more i cant get things done...i am alrdy super shagged...everyone wanna get things done, but by pushing me to my throat i cant get things done...just making me feel like, throw work, huio kang...

as much as u wanna know the situation, i pretty hope u will take the backsit and see wat we are doing..den to keep pinning down my throat and making me feel breathless..

back to my mum..though...at times i really do hate her for her bias-ness...but i cant seem to sit there and watch her suffer in pain..when my bros are not helping her also... so i guess, cos she is my mum taht is why i cant sit there and watch...

5:10 PM sHaRiLyN LiM

school has reopen...and i alrdy ahve 3 datasheets to do..and 1 report waiting for me to touch up, many labelling to do...and also doing some touch up work for so pieces of information...with 4 people behind my back pushing me...hell~ plox plox..give me more time...

today is jordan the great sheep birthday...hope you like your present...


wish you a happy 20th birthday...may all your wishes come true... =)

8:22 PM sHaRiLyN LiM

expectations~


if we dun expect too much, den we wont be sad too much...
if we dun expect too much we might get wat we expected...
if we dun expect too much, we will be happier when we are more den our expectations...


expectations are lifts that goes up and never comes down...
they will only only come down when they crash...

if they dun expect so much, she wont get much scoldings...
if they dun expect so much this family will be happier...
if they dun expect so much, i might be their ideal daughter...
if they dun expect so much, they will see wat good they have..

but why do i expect them to see wat they expected to see..when i know this expectation cannot be met~

cos, expectation means light of hope..the higher the expectation and higher the hope, the more pain there will be~

nites~

8:52 PM sHaRiLyN LiM

today friday...

monday school reopen le..

*looking for xuan xuan..where are u?*

today was a quiet day...got dragged to office to help my mum with some digging of 2007's invoices and also some accounting stuffs...i am glad i still can remember my POA..=) guess there is a problem with my efficiency, i thing i should slow it down...cos by before lunchtime i was already bored...nothing for me to do...

so i read my book, shannon...nice nice book..finish it all within 1 day and 1 night...good book~

time pass very slow..and fun..cos Ah hua uncle come...he is full of jokes..he say this sunday wanna bring me go catch small small crab...i am looking forward to it..and school reopen~

a new sem, a new year...but my last year in poly~

7:28 PM sHaRiLyN LiM

today..nth much..just realise i am a bad murderer...i starve the organism and i dun even know i starve them till they die..

to i had my 1st DRIVING PRACTICAL...woohoo...fun fun..but stress stress...

the basic were easy easy...so the teacher also teach faster..not so fast also..he also wanna make sure i know the basic well..den he bring me go merry go round...he go 1 round stop the car in the middle of the circuit and ask me take on the wheels..initially a bit scare scare..haha...scare i crash..haha..no la...

even thing went well...until the very last min, he make me go round round the circuit..quite fun fun..manage to conquer the usage of clutch, foot brake, gear, handbrake..the accelerator not too good, cos i like go fast fast, so step tat time always step hard, den the car go fast, the instructor scare, i also scare..haha...

tired le...woohoo...but it was fun...again again..

8:05 PM sHaRiLyN LiM

hmmm...lets make this a photo post..rmb abt the plants that i have been taking care of..here are the pics...and also my 4 month belated present...

Flowers!!!

Japanese hibiscus:


twin lime:


Orchid haven got flowers:


goldfish plant:


the leafy plant:


the pink flower:


My 4 months belated birthday present, from shang ming..4 stitch all call stitch:

here is a interesting rate yourself quiz, erm...only for guys (click to enlarge picture):





recently i also duno what i am doing..i have no motor to run my mood..in watever things i am doing..holiday is ending..which means it is a beginning of studies..chiong arrrrhhhh...but am i well prepared for these sem? i hope so..this sem will be more fun filling enjoy it to the core, packed till midnite...

still..i dun want to pressure myself too much...i scare i go nuts..still i have a report to write now..or my head will roll...

ganbatte~ everyone~

7:06 PM sHaRiLyN LiM

you have been shouting, scolding for the past few weeks..aren't you even tired..stop freakingly scold all the ladies in this home...if you are that great den do it yourself...why do you freakingly need us around..

i dislike the way you make assumptions, always saying things so absurdly which makes totally not sense at all...always adding fire to yourself and deviating from the initial topic..

freakingly hell, just becos my aunt make me stay overnite in her house..and she did even call you PARENTS informing that i will be staying over at her house for the nite to keep her company...so why do you have to freakingly say i am over at some BLOODY BASTARD GUYS HOUSE!!!

you always condemn people and never appreciate efforts!!!why does this house ladies have to serve you like dogs? and listen to all you scoldings and shouting...we don't deserve this..if you are so great? den do the marketing yourself, clean the fishes, chicken, prawns, pork watever hell there is yourself...and not throw the dirty jobs to us and scold us for it...

if you wanna scold me for all the damn household issues, den prove to me that you can clean better den me..and not scold me when you never did lift your finger to do anything in this household chores...

dun accused of something and keep thinking that the way you think is correct...who says that clothes cannot be wash, dried and iron within a day..you never did wash your own clothes, dry them, iron them before,so dun say it is impossible and accused for saying that the clothes is not wash...the maid is not stupid..she is not stupid to not throw your shirt into the washing machine to wash..listen to wat you are saying...you never wash this shirt..den wat about the rest? she purposely never wash this shirt and wash the other?

cant you just give us peace..that is why your have been making me unwilling to step into the kitchen..that is why i rather lock myself in my own room, or go to school den go over to the workplace and listen to all the scolding..

if you wanna avoid letting your so call, stupid maid and daughter do the household chores, den please do it yourself...you can fire the maid and i can leave the house to stay with my aunt...i think she is glad to have me there...

PARENTS, never appreciate what their children are capable of..why is it only my aunts can see it and not my parents...is that what they mean by taking things for granted?

8:07 PM sHaRiLyN LiM

some bits and pieces of my thoughts...

recently, i have been dutifully doing gardening...feeding them with nutrients filled water..spraying them every morning, their breakfast..and of course humming songs to them...passer by must be thinking i am nuts...

i water the 4 orchids, the chilli plant, the lime plant, the goldfish plant, the pink flower plant, the longan tree, the 2 mini Christmas tree, pandan plant, the grape plant, and also the japanese hibiscus...

i am so happy whenever i see them...cos they grow in front of me...the chilli plant grew plentiful chilli for me to see...so cute...and orchids are growing high and tall so as to bear orchids for me to see, the lime tree had been giving birth to twins..not forgetting the pink flower and goldfish plant having so many flowers blooming...my favorite the japanese hibiscus...

the japanese hibiscus have been an important part in my garden...as it is easy to take care..and grow...a simple technique of just cutting it, and stuck it into the soil...it grows very well...now...it has bloom many flowers for me to see...

every morning just spending that few minutes letting myself into the nature of my garden makes me feel so relax...watering the plants, humming songs along together with the sound of the water makes me all soothed..

then not everything is smooth...i am told to pull out weeds, cut the grass, remove plants that are not suppose to be there...but in nature, is there really plants that are not suppose to be there? nature is nature, if there is a life that exist, it exist for a meaning...isn't it the same for every human? every human exist for a meaning... a weed is a plant...just that we as humans do not know its purpose...just like, one being condemn as we are thought to be useless..but is there really a useless person? is there really a useless life? if it is useless, would nature even create it?

these plants taught me things...give love, care and concern most of them can grow well...but weeds are plants that are uncared for, still they grow tall and healthy in the helps of sharing nutrients from the other plants..isnt that call sharing and helping one another, in human terms?

even without proper care, there are still plants that will bloom...which i saw one in my garden..i never took notice of it until it bloom flowers, and it was a weed..i never pull it out..as it looks beautiful...if it can bloom by overcoming a lot of factors, why not humans? even if you dun come from good family, that does not mean you cannot stand out...unless you are telling me, humans are not better den plants?

the plants sparks thought in me..from there i realise, what is reality...i am sorry if i had change...i dont know if i change for the better or the worse..but all i did was to fit into the jigsaw puzzle of life, and to protect my ends being broken so i can fit in..if i ever hurt anyone, i say i am sorry...

maybe next post i will post some beautiful pics of the plants..giving them credits..

nites~

7:08 PM sHaRiLyN LiM

today is good friday!!!!! means the other fridays are bad..i thought all along fridays are good becos it is going to be weekend...guess it is call good friday as it is a holiday..*crapped*


yesterday was a super eventful day...lets break them into parts...3 parts in total:

Part 1: Driving...
in the morning went to BBDC, in hope i dont fail my evaluation and eye check again...phew...i pass my evaluation!!!! and also pass my eye check...to get my PDL...i gotten it as the guy serving was nice...but i think i am going to be blind soon..

well mummy say to book my practical lesson soon...

Part 2: To watch a movie online
this Show is intro by Priscilla~ thanks thanks..it is really a good movie..thus i am introducing it here..it is call koizora a japanese movie...



it is a romance but a heartbreaking one..it is also touching..it shows, not all teens love are for fun, not all premarital sex are done for fun, not all guys will abandon girls after getting them pregnant...

it is also filled with a bit of comedy..enjoyable..get ready your tissue box..

here is the link for the show: http://www.mysoju.com/koizora/

part 3: President Challenge 2009

Went there with hoon, but before we knew, we are lost~ haha...but we manage to find the SG Flyer...as i said the people from MCYS are indeed fun..we had ester an additional volunteer joining us...hoon hoon is flower girl for that day..you can scroll down for more pictures...we manage to see the president face to face at close distance...but cos the MGS girls stole the limelight and we were not thick-skin enough to approach him to ask him to take pics with him..there is still next year...oh ya...me and hoon say next year we are going to XUAN along..haha...

hoon the flower girl:


oh yA..when we go be flower girls very accurately we were rite in front of the fireworks, my 1st live fireworks that i witness...but i blur blur, i took it vertically..so your will see it sideway...



one very coincidence thing...i bring hoon hoon go do work, den my teacher bring her teacher come be guest..haha...here is a pic of us:

from left: Hoon, her teacher, my teacher and me:

since the few of us so bored, so i took with the working staff and the MGS girls too:



the rest of the photos are with ester, see when she send give us den i upload it..wasted, never get to sit the flyer...but i get to see it from below:

Day time:


Evening time:




hmmm..as for today's event i think i post tonight bahx..this post getting a bit too long~

1:07 PM sHaRiLyN LiM

monday- i FAILED my final theory evaluation by 2% sadded...and also fail the eye check...was back to school harvesting day...alot of things to do..stress ar....

tuesday - had a half day..chiong in the morning with project...go do president challenge with marcus...the people there were fun and also generous...going down to the marina tomorrow with hoon hoon...

wednesday...
today to a bit...but feel a lot sian diao...
got a lot of problems in this research...sian diao...haiz...
maybe as teacher say, pick up the pieces and get on with life...
haiz..

7:54 PM sHaRiLyN LiM

thanks to =) , shang ming and bearbear for all the concern...i guess i a bit 不听话, today i never rest well, early morning go out le..still ok...never faint~ just a bit not feeling well, i perspire a lot, my shirt is wet, forehead got sweat dripping down...something wrong with me...

today i go out play with kids..i went with the Buddhist fellowship these kids were primary school kids and they were fun!!! we went to marina barrage to fly kites..these kids are made by the kids, they were not so good quality..so ended up only 2 manage to fly..the rest were at the first aid area trying to save their kites...=X

my group have 5 guys and 1 girl, guys are:

shwan (group leader)
rui kai
rui heng (they are brothers)
eden (he is very cute!!!)
ghri
gregory (brother and sister of ghri)

their mass group photos, still waiting for my auntie to send me a photo that was taken with me and my group:

with the parents:


with the teachers:


i thought the clousd were nice as it was about to rain, but i never manage to capture one with the lightening striking:





den i go in walk walk the gallery of the barrage...it is so nice..so took a few pics...still got a lot with my auntie..will upload once she send me...here is some...we also took the e post card but the file too big to upload, there was a heavy rain so we manage to catch the sight of the marina barrage in action:

in the beginning of the gallery:


the real barrage in action:



den we go vivo walk walk...den eat eat den go grandma house sit sit..den home sweet home...that is all for today...i am feeling better..no worries~

7:36 PM sHaRiLyN LiM

today is a terrible day...

early morning felt uncomfortable...have my bath etc..have my keropok breakfast and got nagged...but my 2nd brother got it worse..

so my mum went ahead to walk to the market, so i was at home thinking whether i should go chase after her help her carry things..so i did...i ran after her and pei her go market do marketing...due to the run, i realise i was seeing stars when we were at the vegetables stall, i felt like vomitting, my vision was blurred with purplish star and some black black things, i almost fainted!!! all i could do was to squat there and try to focus on something as i dun want to faint...guess my mum did not think anything was amiss and told me to help her take some vegetables which help me to be focus, but the more strength i used the more my vision blurred...

i felt terrible pain below..dragged myself to a bench to sit and wait for my mum to buy her fish...from there i manage to regain full conscious..from there i was feeling ok, other den unable to drink my cup of drink, cos i felt like vomiting..we finish our things there..bought wat we need and walk home..i was dragging my feet home..and collapse immediately..took some rest before start all the chores...

i guess, it is best not to run when ladies come that one, that is a lesson i learn today...

6:56 PM sHaRiLyN LiM

Have not been updating blog..cos nothing to blog about..

life have been peaceful for me and i am grateful...i believe many people's life have been disrupted by the economic crisis, disasters and many other factors...

i am grateful, that my parents thought of rainy days..and prepared for it..with their thoughtful preparations i can sleep peacefully, eat heartily...though we are all refraining from spending more den usual...but like my dad say "慨花的就花" those must spend still must spend...

one of my friend's friend have passed on..that leads me on to thoughts:

life is like water...
can be as dirty as sludge,
can be as clean as dew,
as strong as a flood,
as gentle as stream...

life just flow,
and we all grow,
moving from one world,
to the other...
event though they are the same..

life is like a rain,
it all comes down,
and go back up again,
its a cycle,
what you going thru now,
someone's been in it,
and another awaiting it,

life is like a dream,
perishing and appearing,
every seconds every minute....

life is a timeline,
it will never stop for anyone..
its just go on and on...

life is always changing..
one's ending is another beginning..
whats unchange is change..

life is guessing game,
you can guess whats tomorrow will be..
you will never know will you ever be correct..

life is to live it to the fullest, see all your friends like you will never see them again. Look at your parents and realise how much they aged, look at yourself and know how much you change...quicken your steps and live in reality...

But never forget, to stop for a second and look at the clouds as you never know when will you see it again...

signing off~

8:07 PM sHaRiLyN LiM