was it all a wrong choice?

the choice of steeping into SP, the choice of stepping into biotechnology? Everything feel so damn Fucked up..serious, i entered into this area for the word "passion" rebelling against my parents that i want to study sciences, when they insisted that i should take business as i have the "talent" in accounts, but the fact that i dont really have the interest in accounts. I know i can do it, but will i do it for the next 10 years? my answer is NO!

But now, when i think back on my naive thoughts, and get back to reality, will i want to do biotechnology for the next 10 years, my answer is NO. SO where do i exactly see myself in the next 10 years?

I see myself lying in the coffin.

I don't understand myself, i dun understand my teachers. It is damn bloody fake that the teacher keep saying hardwork can compensate whatever bad points, or if you are stupider that others. It is damn fake, i am hardworking, putting in so much effort, and all i face is shitty marks again. Damn it, it is just like pouring a cold water on me. And then parents start to say that you never put in the effort on your studies that is why you get shitty marks, it hurts me deep down, not even a word of encouragement, but it is condemn-ation. FUCKED!

Stop comparing me with my 2 brothers, so what if my results in primary school, secondary school is better than them? it means nothing. NOTHING at all, it are just pieces of worthless papers. I m happy for them that they are doing well. But stop that damn fuck up attitude, since when did u ever praise me of doing well, doing better than my 2 brothers, since when u ever reward me for doing better than them? NEVER! getting good grades is a must for me, and a surprise from them. Getting bad grades is normal for them, and a condemn-ation for me? they get praise get rewards whenever they do well? But me? never! you have never spoken a good word for the good marks i get previously, not even a "keep it up" and now? you just simply rub salts into my wounds inflicted my results and not recognizing my efforts put in, despite you witnessing all of it. if you think it is all a show then forget it, i am tired of convincing. If you think I am a CONDEMN child, which you already have been condemning me since i was a baby what is the point of trying hard to please you, when to you i am nothing but a thorn in the flesh, a shit around the house.

FUCKED, you dun even care of asking how is my sickness, but when bro fell sick u hurriedly send him to see a doctor..and me take a bus to see a doctor, you dun even care if i am fuckingly dead, not even concern when i ahve trails of blood in my mucus. Afterall the blood in me flowing is from you, since you dont care why should i bother so much?

i noe i hate the vulgarities, i apologies for all the fucks here*

8:22 PM sHaRiLyN LiM