ThE wOrLd oF GroWiNg Up...

2011-12-25T19:25:00.002+08:00

Dear Santa,

I decided to blog today... for a very simple reason...i would like to record this meaningful part of my life before i grow old and this piece of memories seems so distance away from me...

to date, i nv thought that "if only i was older.." and i enjoyed every part of my 21 years of my life..it is filled with many ups and downs, many tears, sadness which came in a package with happiness...

many years passed, so is my blog... reminiscing the times like 4 years ago where my blog was a hot spot and blogging was my daily hobbies...as of today just turned 21 5 days ago, I looked into the mirror and told myself..here i am standing all grown up and declared as an adult...

i have received the golden key from my dear parents...whatever path i walked on from 20 Dec 2011 is a decision that I will make as an adult no longer as a child...Dear Santa and ti gong thanks for making my life so eventful...

to my great friends...especially to SP ENV ancestors, you guys have been the biggest part of my life...changed my life the biggest...thanks for being there watching me grow up...the sentence that we will hear is "even our youngest baby is already 21 years old.." Though there was no elaborated party held at home, and it was just another day passed by.. but dear rachel and alcina, it is indeed my 1st time making my very own cake, some more log cake..

though we were all blurred up, blundered up and mixed up by the mixer, but i am glad that our log cake turns out yummy...though there were not a lot of us, but i really felt knitted together and thankful that i have you guys around... though pizza making was island making and standards were not like pizza hut, but all our happiness were toppings on it... I am glad to be the joker of the party..ginger bloody man taste nice with tomato puree and not ginger, because it was topped with laughter..

it has marked a significant part of my life and how i wished it didnt have to end... but everything has to end...so is our party.. and we are always looking forward to the next one.. in a few years to come, this thought sank in me, time to hear wedding bells.. but there is still so many things i would love to do with you guys... overseas trip and many many more to come...

dear santa, i have nothing to ask more..because you have given me great friends whom have walked with me from the age 17 years old to 21st..and many more years to go...though we don't meet everyday, but we are knitted as a family.. housewives gang tgt..

my only wish to you is, let our friendship last more..and i believe you would grant this wish...because i will make it true... my heart just felt so warm... because you gave me friends who understand me, play with me, held me through happiness and sadness...thanks for making my life so beautiful..

dear friends, there are many more years to come.. though we are not physically tgt, our heart does.. this may sound mushy and all untrue.. but you guys warmed my heart and turn me to who i am now..

I am glad to always be the youngest because i feel taken care of..

for many years to come, i dun mind being the cook, the baker or chef.. as long as we are all binded tgt..

> alcina, may you always be my guinea pig

> rachel, may we always hang around alcina house

> mei hoon, may we always act blur tgt

> joyce, lets enjoy cooking mama,

> gingy, may we create havoc at alcina's house

> all others, may we always gather and be happy like this..

i know time will pass, and we will all have our own live to lead..we all know...we who play tgt, organize projects, g pop, squeeze and sit on dirty sofa in club house, push trolley of toners, raced with recycling bins..now we all have work to do, studies to look into, but the ties that bind remain tied as long as do not cut it away...we should always come out with 101 reason to gather.. like this we will not lose each other...

<3 SP ENV ANCESTORS... with you, I will never be alone...

A Super long time

2011-11-05T22:42:00.002+08:00

Hmmm...

I wonder if there is still anybody who is still reading my blog...haha..i doubt so..interestingly i decided to come back and read my past blogspost.. I realise i have not been writing down my life a lot~

Been very busy this year..i believe more people start to facebook more than blog nowadays...I still love the background song of my blog!!

Life went on, i finish a speacialist diploma with great people, people who are in the industry for a long time...like daniel from baxter who is now in west pharma, cindy aka mummy who is now in SGH still in SGH, but someone who has climbed high...terence ting who is an engineer but a all rounder to learn many many things..

on top of it, i am now pursuing my degree course..though i cannot do a full time degree course but i still wanted to do a degree course..so i decided to go for a part time degree like other people..though there are many pros and cons but i guess i am enjoying my classes though it is filled with stress..

and i job hop!!! from a small SME to now a big MNC!!! i wonder what spurred me on too.. but i feel there is room to grow there...currently now my working environment is superb!!! i never had blues, no matter how tired i am...the people there are so motivating!!! and my name is bullet train!!

though many things seem to fun~ of course life is never smooth sailing..met many high and low at work, at home..and now tuition..lets not talk about bad stuff...after a long time not blogging..

smiles..i realise i am all grown up~ my 21st birthday is coming but i have no plans..

good nite~

2011-01-01T20:02:00.003+08:00

its freakingly long since i wrote a blog.. =(

guess i am always tied down with so many many things!!!

i was just clearing all the spam on my cbox..and came across the IP number of someone whose brother was actually saying the bitch stuff 2 months back...guess i did not bother to go check the IP number 2 months ago..

so fast time past and i have not been blogging for so long..guess i was too busy been a workaholic..i have been warn by my aunt not to be 1...aiyoyo...i am starting to plan my next goal in life..that is why i am learning English!! erm...erm..its not a typographical error, it is ENGLISH!!! more like brushing up~ at the same time i am learning Burmese from my maid... =P for the fun...

life at work has been many ups and down, i have not been blogging as i was tied down with the shift of my company...so many things to do..on top of that juggling my studies and tuitions..i wanted a great 20th birthday this year..but it was the worst ever, haiz..my leave was not approve as the shift hapen to be on that very day, on top of that, i had to do Over Time as the shift did not end till 930pm!!!!!

it wasnt the worst, at least when i reach home family warm greeted me, my brothers cook sphaghetti for me for dinner and my mum got me a nice watch and made a super super mini fruit cake as display leaving a note behind...

at school i met a great bunch of classmate back in SP =D cant get enough of school life..that is what is motivating me to go back to school~

did many reflection in life..tada, 20th stop in life int he journey of growing up..i did grew up and able to teach my tuitee what life is all about..

I will share my passion as a tuition teacher in my next post =D

2010-11-09T15:42:00.002+08:00

i realise i have not been writing blog post..too busy with work and many many things...arrrrhhhh..

but there is something that i was to keep it in here...which are my students results!!! I am so proud of them...great work kids!!!

1 P4 student: pretty quite guai student
E = 84.5/100
M = 100/100 PERFECT!!!
S = 92/100

another 1 P4 student: this student use to fail!!!

E = 67.5/100

M = 83/100

S = 61/100

so happy for them..so happy too.. =D

there have been many happening, like env sentosa outing which was suppose to be at marina barrage..gotten a bf too..so many things in life..

yet i am still without a goal..still looking...

2010-10-13T14:46:00.002+08:00

Recently have been falling sick..not sure why..

I am looking for my goal in life..lots of events and starting to volunteer with Singapore Environmental Council (SEC) though small, but i feel safe..

Work is still ok, smoothly just a bit not adapting well..

as for personal life?

glad PSLE is over, finish 1 tuitee le...*drop* clap clap...still got many others to guide...

family has been all well..glad to be able to go on many bbq gathering and for now all is much settle down..

still..

from this episode in life...i have learn..

when its time to let go, let go...maybe its a better option..

get on with life, becos time does not wait for you..every thing still goes on with out you..so start moving..

cheerios...will upload some pictures soon...

2010-09-27T12:56:00.006+08:00

got to know so many things about my mummy.. =D

everything in now is pretty routine i really dread it..but that is part and parcel of life that we all need to accept it..

even so..i try to cheer myself up.. =D

so here is a cute thing to share..there are monkeys spotted at my house..here are the pics:

hmmm...on top of that, i spotted tat hong that is not tat hong..er..er..er..er...see the pic, i mean zoom it in too...

and oh ya,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to KENNETH LIM!!!

22 le wor!!!

2010-09-21T17:30:00.003+08:00

long long time very blog le..aiyoyoyo...as compared to when i was young...

have to start blogging...hmmm...

recently life have been very routine..work, tuition and home..

i am putting on weight..oh no!!! sob sob..=P

i was suppose to go to Singapore G1, =( but i was held up at home..family more important..hopefully this coming 10.10.10 tree planting i can go..hehex...cant wait to be part of SEC cum youth habitat..

sleepy...sleepy...

work work!!! i am working hard...wahaha..

2010-09-13T09:10:00.002+08:00

2 lovers are like 2 person on a canoe...

coordination is very important...so the paddle will not hit each other and we both can move forward..beginning there then to be many hitting but those are the times that teaches you to know how to pace tgt...

when you can no longer coordinate with your partner...there will be many canoe that will overtake you..and when time pass...your partner might just leave your canoe and go to the other...

love is such a complex thing..

it brought hurt and happiness...

i realise i was very indecisive..and hurt the people who love me..and caused them to leave..i know i am childish...

the thing that i will do now..is learn to let go..he did for my happiness...its only immature of me to keep holding him back and be a hindrance...

i want to say sorry...

sorry to him which i think even if i spend a lifetime to say it..it will never be insufficient...being selfish was part of my nature...

i only care about myself..since when did i care for others around me?

many people would be scolding me bahx...

i am sorry to the friends that i commonly share with him..sorry for being stuck in between...

i have always had thrown tantrum and him absorbing it..i was never worth his love...

for now..as a grown up..learning from tat hong...let go...

wat is yours will be yours..wat is not will not be..

i am only letting you go..because i know i have hurt you and no rights to hold you back..if ever one day you would like to find someone to listen to you...give me a call..if you need someone to lean on..rmb about me..

you spend 2 years loving...i had 2 years of love..i dun even think i gave u 2 years of love..probably less den 2 years...but i want to be a dragonfly in your life for the next 2 years..

thanks for not hating me..and still helping me..you are the great guy i seen in my life...

as for the another one..sorry..sorry..sorry for getting you into this mess...the hurt that the 2 of you felt i probably cant make it up...

2010-09-01T08:40:00.001+08:00

Happy teachers' day!!!!

To myself too!! it felt so heart warming when my students gives me present..awwwww....putting in the effort to chose the present and do up some drawing...

that is the heart warming feeling that all teachers look forward to...to feel appreciated~

=D

2010-08-31T12:54:00.002+08:00

er...er...er...er..er...

Since a long long time that i come back in here to blog..*stare around* looks like a dead blog to me..hmmm...maybe close to a dead one..

Recently work have been busy and on top of that, have been falling sick..not sure why..but had fever...soon after that sickness...fell ill again with stomach flu and unable to eat anything...saddening...

on top of that, friends have been going on and on and on...lots of problem face in between but i am glad its over and am glad that you know that you are important to us that we do not want you to leave us at all.. smiles...today will better than tmr ar? to someone who read this and he will know..

Had BYEE Reunion also0...at pocketful of poises, one day ENV we must go there too =D

Family gotten a lot better even though i hardly see them now..they had a wonderful holiday at HK...i wish i could go too...

At work..nothing much interesting...many sadness many happiness and also many ppl who i know in this company are starting to leave..i wonder why...the state? hmmmmm... *scratch head*

My tuition students are not that bad getting more guai except a few still mischievous as usual..haha..but..they have given me the concept of not wanting to give birth to kids...

Talking about that i saw an interesting boy ytd..he was so cute...i let him sat at my seat on the train and he was staring at sutomo's i phone...after sut left...

he told his daddy..can i play your handphone..
daddy:no...

and the daddy place him on his lap and

daddy said" handphone is for calling not playing game, if you play my handphone till no battery den how can we call mummy?"

the little boy stare.

boy said, can i play you handphone when we meet mummy? den you no need call her?

the daddy laugh..

the boy said, can you buy iphone?
daddy said: why?
boy: cos I want to play...
daddy said, phone is for calling...

think think think...

daddy say, i will ask mummy about it ok?

the boy hug the daddy...and kiss the daddy's nose...

boy say: buy 2, 1 for mummy 1 for me...
daddy: den me?
boy: 1 for mummy, 1 for you
daddy: den u?
boy: 1 for daddy, 1 for me
daddy: den mei mei?
boy: 2 for daddy and we take daddy two and play!!!

so cute rite?awwww...so heart-warming of dad and son...i wonder...if all children are like this..i will consider giving birth..haha...

2010-08-04T15:17:00.002+08:00

things with my family seemingly back to normal....

things in work, seemingly more and more taxing...maybe due to my position...so many projects on hand, really need to take time to clear all of them away...feel like a dog hounding people to get things done...haha..felt back actually as i am more junior...

bought a few pieces of clothes this month...but currently dare not wear...buy for show again..no la..actually because i no figure to wear..got small tummy..haha...but will get back in shape...

i miss being involve in environmental stuff...1 day, i will be there..where i want to be..environment is my sense..and i am telling myself not to lose it..though i am no longer able as active as i was..but my heart and passion still lies there...

it was indeed a waste that i am not able to go uni...saddening...but get over it..and stand on my feet again..i believe i can do it..not this year next year lo..

here is just a stepping stone and i know where i am heading...maybe this is just part and parcel of my life that i need to undergo...i gain learning from all these and i do not lose any thing at all..

my story is an interesting one..what about yours?

2010-07-26T14:32:00.002+08:00

so long never write blog..

Life have been pretty good and smooth...

relationship with family still a bit weird..but overall its more or less settled..

smiles smiles...

i bought clothes..=P

have to be in a strict muscle toning exercise...little tummy is appearing..hehex...

2010-07-22T10:35:00.001+08:00

super duper tired!!!!arrrrhhhh...

cui seriously damn cui...

zZzZzZzZzZ...

as long as i lace my butt somewhere...i can knock out in 10s...

so..properly..

ya..i am on the verge of slping after u read this...

zzZzZzZzZzZzZzZ...

2010-07-19T10:52:00.002+08:00

tired tired tired...

now is more tired den before...

glad to see the rainbow..i have got the courage not to run away le..have face the fact and punishments..

have been doing housework..tired..wake up early early..cos dun want mama to do it..later she xinku...but now i fall sick with a flu..sad...just took medi..cook porriage to bring go work..so can rest more...

i got free pau from colleague..haha..=X tan chi gui...

submitted my application for SP, haven send in all the documents..tmr last day...i dun have my birth cert with me...arrrrhhh... =( hehex...die die...tonite need to bring laptop home to settle all the documents..need to scan all of it..arrrrhhh...

hopefully next year i can study uni..

2010-07-11T19:39:00.002+08:00

yesterday was a duo bbq day for me..i have since increase my carbon footprint by a lot..=(

still it was lots of fun with env peeps..

yet a mixture of stuck and symptoms of vomiting...

wasn't really on good terms with my dad..but yesterday was a little bit better i tink...but i was so afraid that i just stick myself to the environment club side..

and for the 1st ever..we manage to finish 9/10 of the food!!! *clap clap* looks like we did not buy much...have to thank alcina 1st..alot of things she prepare for me..i did not..sorry~ still thanks a lot..

did not take much photos as we were all immerse in the happiness of fun...yet..we ended on a nice note of photo taking sessions.. =D

happy birthday to shi min and pei xuan...

it was indeed enjoyable with explosive ice root beer and 7 up, plus scaling tongs and BBQ marshmallow..and also goodie food..clap clap...thank all for coming.. =D

2010-07-06T14:33:00.002+08:00

i just change a nice blog song...so enjoy..

its from a anime call myself yourself..very nice your should catch it..very short only 13 episodes..

i have been very tired this few days and i have realise that is what i have been saying..no replies from bayer..saddening..no time to go check out the courses in aus...arrrrhhh..tuition kids driving me nuts..lol...but i rly enjoy teaching them though...

after so many incidents that have been happening..i realise to have grown stronger..no longer crying tat often i wonder its that good or bad..learn to forget all about it and walk on in life..

i want to thank everyone!!! who teach me to be strong...to joysi, to shang ming, to bear, to godgor..

thanks for being there..and scolding me when needed..true friends scold you and do not side you when you are in the wrong...

i am not out of emo though..but out of suicidal thoughts i hope..but..i have flashes in my brain jumping mrt track whenever i see the train coming towards me..i have always pulled myself back...and a few other sadistic thoughts when i am in the kitchen alone..

i am being so abnormal...but i wish to be back on the normal track and get on with life...

enjoy the violin, i fell in love with this song..

2010-07-05T08:41:00.003+08:00

i was inspired to write a blog post ytd..but apparently i forgot what i wanted to type..

i was so busy with so many things..i should have write it down..a slice of life...probably if i remember it i will write it here...

i have been a zombie, a living one..yesterday was sunday and all i did was teaching tuition...u can never imagine!!!! 30questions of decimals and fractions from 1030am to 2pm, and 50 questions on fractions since 630pm to 1030pm with no calculator and answer sheet to help me out!!!indeed torturous when your student dun listen...i had no choice but to threaten...haha...if you dun finish this the tuition will not end and if there is any wrong we will photocopy everything and redo it all over again...

guess this method work...i was literally crazy after that, crying and laughing...while waiting for the lesson to start, being alone...i decided to reward myself..a nice cupcake and i cam whore with it...hmmm...boredom...

Mini studio

Studio ~

Cam whoring - angel above

Nomal eye angle

Low angle

dinnerless again~ well at least there was a bowl of nice soup left for me..thats all..i felt my gastric attacking me in the nite with terrible pain but eventually falling aslp...and growling stomach in the morning that force me to take breakfast or i will face a terrible pain till afternoon...

it wasnt the only problem that i face yesterday..i had a terrible quarrel..and tada...everything broke like my globe...saddening? i did not know how to feel sad at that point due to my tired body...i simply, ok..and tats all..the pain only struck me today morning..so wat?

what is broken is broken..like my globe...no matter how much i love it..i threw it away..it cannot be mended...just hope you will be happy...guess..busy people like me should not touched that sensitive line again...

so wats the point of writing all this went i know what is going on and still is not doing anything about it..just some venting out...

went out with my god bro on friday nite..nice outing..indeed...hehex...thanks gor.. i want ice cream!!! i haven been seeing my biological brothers, sorry~ guess i was in and out of the house till i simply miss them..i missed seeing them...

all i knew was...

i am not a good girl...

i realise i change too much...

and nothing is going to be rewind...

get along with life...

and there is nothing i want to change now,

even though i do not rly like who i am now,

but that is reality,

so what is it about guilt?

its just a word,

its just a feeling

that will disperse soon enough...

live with it...

I am sorry I changed, i am sorry but I do not want to change back...

welcome to the game~

2010-06-21T12:35:00.001+08:00

stay tune~

i am going to update about BYEE camp 2010..

BYEE camp was indeed a reminiscing...i miss the time that we had..this year we were side dishes..there was a brand new main course..indeed some were appetizing and some were irritating..

i would say i had lots of fun with the new batch...yet at the same time i did not learn as much as last year..saddening rite? haiz...haha...

it was so much fun in playing games with them so call torturing...what was more fun was to see some irritating people cui their game when they shouted "its so easy"~ it falls on fathers day, so we had a mini surprise for aik kiat...

the farewell dinner was always so great..i am glad that i attended it..me, lester and rachel had gotten a step closer to each other and together with sally and aik kiat..

sorry for being so late in updating this as i was super tired..i believe some of you would have caught the pictures in facebook...smiles... so i wont post it up here..too lazy to do so..have a stack of books to mark...

things in my family hasnt got better but turn out to be worse...seriously dunno what to do about it..

escaping is not the solution many people told me...but other than that..i do not really know how to go solve it..haiz..

2010-06-13T21:48:00.002+08:00

a broken globe, a broken world...

I broke my globe..saddening..it was given to me..i will always remember its presence..it was given to me because i was so sad over being suspended from ENV a few years ago..it was suppose to tell me that there is still a perfect place..

and now..it broke..i am no longer in the perfect globe where snows always form and peace will come after a shake...i am release to a harsh reality of broken glass and hurt..but why am i reacting in this way? why why whY!!! i am suppose to be positve...but i cant seem too..

today..had a family out dinner at sakura..everything was so intense..i have not taken dinner with my dad for a very long time..all i had in my stomach was guilt and more of it..i serious do not know how to face him till i told my mum i did not want to go..but she insisted as my grandma is going..

i probably did not eat up the value that was paid for..what a waste..but i just felt too awkward to eat..and keep remembering what he say.."你还吃得下？我看到你我就吃不下!" that was the reason why i have not been home for dinner...i just did not want to spoil his appetite for food...perhaps i am a unfillial daughter in the end that do not deserve to live on and waste resources...

if it was joyce she would be scolding me about what is all these emo shit and lamenting about on sharilyn's blog..honestly..i do not know..i just..EMO..family matters are the hardest to settle and run away from unless i give my life back or i bleed myself dead...

maybe, family bond will solve it, but as to now..i do not see it yet..

nites people..

by the way i adopted a new god bro~

2010-06-11T08:46:00.002+08:00

Feelings were pouring in today...i had no mood to play psp today on the train..but stand there with my mickey mouse mp3 and listen to musics...

i thought about my blog..the world of growing up..and realise how much the content of this blog change..from the little girl who complains about having no freedom and being un-fun to this girl that is pushed into the working world that she does not belong too...

i look around me..and saw:

people trickling into the train,

just like the dripping rain,

some seated down,

all with a frown,

the common point,

most were asleep,

going to dream land for a slip,

the train was the bedroom,

for many other people...

while others having a nap,

i was got a slap,

from the crude reality,

many years later,

i might be like them,

going for materiality...

I start to ask myself..many things out there stop me from going to organise green activities, i know i still can be eco by starting with the girl in the mirror. But i want to do more then that..i want to be involve that is my passion yet so far away....

maybe i am just a growing up girl that do not know anything truth in this reality...is it? or there were never smooth sailing life that many people are after for..

2010-06-10T11:40:00.002+08:00

tuition is getting back on track..fathers day is next week..

i was teaching the kids how to make fathers day card...i was think back about myself...

fathers' day is next sunday..yet I did not make any cards and i am not going to go home too..will be out for a camp..

escaping for weeks..how long can this go on? I have no idea..as long as i do not enter uni~ part time degree? sad to say, no way...its either NTU or NUS, i would not settle for anything lower..yet at the same time...i am considering overseas~ I feel like going overseas to study medicine..and be a doctor..that was my dream when i was young? possible? i think my brains are not up to that standard...what do i want to be??????????????

such a simple question yet so vexed..yet i am not able to answer!!!!haiz...i feel like suiciding...now i am like working for the sake of working..work hard, tuition hard, and environment hard...so little time so many things to do..

still i will not give up on the environment..

still...

smile people..

2010-06-07T09:18:00.005+08:00

another weekend gone by...

how was yours? Mine was interesting and meaningful.. I was out at Plaza Sing doing an anti littering campaign. Bringing the kids out to engage with the public not to litter..GOH was Dr Yacob...

Saturday was pack due to giving tuition and rushed down to do the decorations for the booth, check it out!

nice?

But the long bus trip home made me feel ill and late lunch at 5pm make me feel like vomiting...so, i was skip dinner..

Sunday early morning at 730am i was out of my house heading to plaza sing by bus..long bus trip again..and i am engross in my psp again..wahaha...felt like vomiting..guess i am born with motion sickness and cat be healed...hehex...

gather the kids, chat and wait wait wait..had free mac breakfast..was chatting with lester, long time never see him so we had lots of catching up to do..at 11 plus we lead the students from Northlight and Anderson sec to 313 somerset to engage their public to pledge to not to litter..it is indeed tough for them..though tough but they persevere on..

Stalking the stalker =P

The students

Dr Yacob flagging off the event...i was right in front of him.. =P

Asking the public

Me and Tau Hua from PCK

polar bear!!!

Before the launch

During the long walk

me with the public =D

then we head back for lunch...was developing headache then...still had lots of fun...though fun..if I am to really evaluate on this event..i will..not pass it..=P the duration of the whole event is so short..planning and doing up the things took days..but the actual even is not even 1 hour..the kids were indeed disappointed..on top of that it was at the orchard area so there were lots of foreigner, it feels kind of weird to ask foreigners to keep Singapore clean when its actually the jobs of Singaporeans...hmmm....*scratch head*

Went back home, due to the headache slept throughout the bus ride...clean up my room and slept at 630pm!!! i was that shagged..only to wake up at 8pm but fell back to sleep again till today morning...12 hours of sleep...nice...now rotting in office again...

in total i lost a weight of 3kg!!! from weighing 57kg now i am only 54kg...recently all my jeans felt as if it is going to fall off my butt...

2010-06-05T20:40:00.002+08:00

在宁静的房间里
我问我自己
在这个大大的世界里
由我这个小小的我
在我这个生命里
应产割舍么力量？
我生命里的目标到底是？
将来的我对社会付出设么贡献？

at the quiet room,
i ask myself deeply,
at this big big world,
there is small small me,
in my life,
what is the hidden strength in me?
what is the purpose of the existence of my life
what is my goal in life,
in the future how will i contribute to the society?

wahahaha...in chinese and english..=D

recently have been shagged..spoiling my own body, still dare to say..wahaha...have been so pack with so many stuff every piece of me is utilise..i wonder how many more kg have i lost? all my jeans seem getting looser and looser..i have been working so hard..that i have ask myself...why am i working so hard? despo for money?

actually i dunno..i am just numbing myself with work work and more work..while looking for the answer in my life...

smile everybody...

find the happiness in yourself...only then you will know what is happiness..

2010-06-04T09:01:00.003+08:00

Yo Blog readers~

today's post is to promote an environment event that will be held this SUNDAY 6th of june 2010 at Plaza Singapura from 11am to 5pm. If you are planning to go there shopping or have fun. Do drop by and pledge!!

Pledge that you will not litter or

Please do not leave your unwanted things unattended. If you see any suspicious looking litter or rubbish, please inform our staff or dial the 1800-CALL NEA (1800-2255 632)located at MEWR building thank you (sound familiar?)see below..

(p.s Please do not leave your belongings unattended, if you see any suspicious person or article, please inform our staff by pressing the emergency button located at the side of the train door. Thank you)

yeah..hope to see many people supporting us.. =D

2010-06-03T16:05:00.004+08:00

SO BORING!!!!

if i can be blogging here..wat do you think? haha...oops...

sianz...

i have not been doing good things here..haiz...all the archiving that is cleared so fast...i am damn bored...i still thought it would be an exciting place to be..yet..here i am blogging away...omg..still got time to settle my environment things!!!

lol..

and wat else? i finish watching 败犬女王 how nice? watching it during work..i guess my boss will fire me if he reads this..how? oh well...if that is suppose to be like that then so be it..cos they do not much thus for me this INTERN to do..what else can i do?

haiz...

18june i am going to take leave for BYEE camp...probably get a pay deduction...oh well..shagged...

talking about 败犬女王 it just remind me of a junior that i use to be very close with...=D i really really did miss him...but everything is over.. "sorry, its too late~" is all i want to tell him...i am sorry for hurting you..guess then i was just stubborn and just felt threaten with another person's presence...maybe because i got low self esteem...maybe because then I did not trust myself...but...its all too late...little child has grown up...little strawberry has ripen...

as i am sitting here i daydream...ya..so free to even day dream...remembering about my year 1...the torturous writing of proposal and running the ply 50 that never seem t end...remembering the controlled life i use to have...16 then...young and naive...having a boyfriend in school being loved and pampered then was sweet and nice...celebrating his birthday in a not very romantic place of a sports complex i still remember "still light candle~ release carbon footprint" can you guess who he is?

year 2, filled with loneliness...being suspended from environment club was hell..yet...i am still glad to have a lot of friends from there...1st time being a senior in poly...i always remember the envirofest preparation...that was the time i got to know dan dan, and little child...dan dan was very hyper and little child was emo-ing...both my fun loving kids...wahaha...that very same year i receive a bear bear from dan dan..haha...so many people thought it was a love token..so many rumour...who would have expect that i was closer to little child...yet..it did not last long..."friendship does not last forever" was what we said...but i never expect it to end so soon...all the little memories we once shared between us can you still remember? i did..very clearly in my mind...you must be wondering what is there to reminisce are you still reading my blog..even if you did you will no long tag...

in year 2, i got closer to my ~~~~~..we shared and suffered lots of happiness and sadness and anger...please do not hope too much..to all my jie jie and gor gor..you probably wont hear any wedding bells any sooner...haha...i still want to change clothes..at least wedding bell is not in my 10 years plan...

year 3? eventful...so many major events, made friends and germany!!! FYP.. and many many more...being a senior in environment club was indeed very tiring and stress..yet when you see the fruits of your labour..i cant help but to feel that all is worthy...and who will have expect here i am sitting here blogging this...

everyone reminisce...all i want to say here..is little child..thank you for all the memories..for that whole 1 year..you were always the one who protected this jie jie..cheer her up with sweets, and Halloween goodie bag..the shoulder that you lend for me to cry in my sadness then smile that you gave when i am happy..the habit of nonsensically taking train and say stop den stop...studying together at the teaching blocks of SP..and many many more..metting after lesson for ice creams and foodies..the evening ice cream at foodcourt 3..is well remembered...

little child..year 3 le wor...going to graduate le..no longer little child le..must jiayou kk? more importantly smile..dun fake you smile..dun emo and hide in 1 corner...because everyone including you..deserve to be treated well with sincerity...since my time with you is over..but i know you will meet someone who will treat you like i treat you or even better...jiayou in all your en devours...

curious how much i change? here it is:

Dunno how old is this, but i look so cute~

Poly year 1, so nerd~haha...

Year 2, after rebonding hair...

Year 3 / graduated~

all still dun look nice~

i write too much le...

stop line__________________________________________________________________

2010-05-29T19:20:00.003+08:00

Updated as per 1st June~

Happy post vesak day...I hope your have been good kids.. =D

How did i spend mine? I spend mine meaningfully...I was out volunteering at Buddhist fellowship carnival at the balloon sculpturing booth. Before i go into details here are the people to thank, kenneth, han wei, nick and alvin for coming down to help and support...

They have a professional to come down and do the sculpturing...I was just a helper...so i learn from a pro 偷师学艺 oops..haha..in return we help him with the work...

Salute to him...a young chap of 22 years old and smart and good with his hands...have 5 years of experience with balloon sculpturing already!!!! that is not the key point..the key point is..we have made friends with him..to learn more skills...in return we will just help him out in events...nice chap who knows ow to entertain kids too...i am not praising him too much here...or someone will be jealous..haha...

after that we went to vivo...to have photo shooting...wow instead..amazed by han wei's camera..haha...check out the pics and you will know why...it is indeed cool..took many shots with it..hope they turn out nice..had many photos shoot with my little fishy given by the balloon sculpturist.. hope to upload them here when han wei upload it..

Nick Is HUNGRY~ But han wei want also..haha...

So, han wei snatch for it..."ITS MINE!!!!"

then, Nick angry, cos kenneth come snatching too...so he hold it out far..out of reach to kids...

and...it drop into the sea...

and join all his yellow friends...

I am the fishie family too...wahaha...

and...ballooning my face like fishie...

all all come snatch from me but its mine, see below..i got evidence..

Fishies in the sea...i like this..wahaha...

den i fish it out again...

I have got evidence this is my fish..so all of them stole my fish...wahaha...

I dunno...wat am i doing with 4 guys...3 in the photo. 1 the camera man...

I got feed my fishie..who drink my drink..

check out facebook for more childish photos that all of us took, even though if all our age add up its 70 plus years old le...: this is the link http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2047635&id=1091215440#!/album.php?aid=2047635&id=1091215440

weeeeeeeeeeee.........just accepted another tuition job...gonna be tiring..work work work...still have many things to do..need to update youthabitat today...later after dinner go update..so after you read this check out the youthabitat blog which you can find the link situated at the right column of this blog page.. =D

next week i will be having the anti littering campaign going on at plaza singapura...do check it out next sunday 6th of june from 9am - 5pm... =D

on facebook click it! http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=120346477999285

2010-05-27T08:47:00.000+08:00

yesterday I met up with my blog reader...

it is none other then =)

Smiley face...who this smiley face is a secret.. =D

All i can say is i had a lot of fun...with that..it prompted me to read on my many years ago blog post..=D

other then that..nothing else alrdy...

2010-05-25T08:59:00.002+08:00

I am dreading work...

I am dragging myself to work...

I am dying to leave this work..

But I cant find another one yet..

BAYER please reply soon!!!!!

This is the first symptom of my unhappiness here...Indeed...I am unhappy...

Not sure why...

I was just suddenly struck by the fact that I am just a cheap labor in the company..here to cover all the sai kang..lowest of the lowest shit...

Really hope to jump..i feel invisible here..

One of my colleague did a interesting mental reading on me with 4 questions..

I cant deny how true it was...

he said:

i am confuse now..

I am held back by the past...not knowing where to walk now...

Now what I have is not what I want is what i am pushed into

I am a simpleminded and naive girl

when I am push into a new environment I sit and observe the people around me... (this use to be not true in env, but now its true in my working place)

I am selective over my friends - i can be friends with everyone but I chose certain people to be my good friends

If i agree to what my friends is doing I follow suit - but If i dun, I detach myself

I have dual personality - 1 is a logical person that keep asking question, 2nd is a emotional person so when I ask question I will ask in a nice way though I am angry...It will seems I am indecisive.

I am a team player and independent worker - Can work well in a team yet, I do not like to take orders. I will plan my work well and do my own work perfectly. Do not tell me to change my work a lot of time I will sian diao and throw it to you to do or just don't do.

how true do you thing is it about me?

2010-05-21T08:56:00.002+08:00

graduation is over..facebook has many many photos of it..

after that endline...

wat is the beginning?

i ponder over it in deep thoughts...and do not know what will the future holds..i drag myself to work everyday.. dreading the early morning wake and squeeze...things was not going as smooth as i thought it would be...

positive positive...i told myself..

problems...might be the ingredients to happiness...

2010-05-19T16:00:00.003+08:00

graduate le~

congrates to everyone who graduated in 2009/2010!!!! cheers~

I did not fully enjoyed mine..but still glad that my friends were there to try support me...=D my mum came down...thanks mummy for helping me take photo...

here are some photos..the rest are still with my mummy...

Do Check out facebook too.. =D

Last but not least..a penny of thoughts again...

graduation is suppose to be happy or sad? happy cos everything is over...sad because..it will never be the same and it marks the next beginning...

I have sen many people in the new beginning...like all my SP ENV seniors..and now I am embarking on my very own new beginning..though I do not know what the future will bring...still...with my friends at heart, my family at sight..I know the journey ahead will be a fruitful one...

cheers everyone..

2010-05-17T08:31:00.002+08:00

just some random thoughts early this morning...

as i was on the escalator..i saw the working life..never been able to sit quietly, walk quietly and observing my surrounding...

I realise...my pace of walking increases with the working flow..faster and faster...all dress in formal white shirts or other colours with strips, long pants or tight skirts and a working bag...i literally got suck into the working world...but there i was standing..being so different from them in terms of dress code..like i never change from my poly years...still in my t shirt and jeans...

snapped..i awoke..i realise..that was the only difference..i am waking up early in the morning..rushing to work like any other workers..i wanted to be different...but how to? being a youth, i am trying my best to stick to the environment which i am starting to lose touch in...how how? i told myself..i hardly have any time left to sleep...let alone been in the environment sector..

when you are in the working world..there comes another burden of finance....how how? i ask myself..realise there is a lot more that me, a small girl still a girl will never be able to carry...

i realise...maybe...there are still things that I cant do before and still cant do it now..because...i have not grown big enough...

still 19 years old...still struggling away...I wonder..what 20, 21 will bring me to~

smile everyone..its just a thought of mine...hope you enjoyed..

2010-05-14T16:26:00.002+08:00

i have been trying to be happy this few days...

i guess...

i fake well..

i guess...

i lied well....

i guess i am a liar....

though i had a huge cry...but i cant seem to control myself..when i think on how near graduation is near by...

i sms my mum today..on whether is she coming..its 4 days to grad..yet...i am feeling no happiness..so many friends around me are like "my parents are coming..." and stuff like tat...yet...my 2 tix are not out...still with me...i just dun want to think abt it..cos it makes me sad...

work work work work work...

go work early in the morning..after work go tuition, saturday go tuition, sunday going for tuition teaching...

not i don't want to face my parents...1 day i will have to...but if i face them now..what they will ask is what do i want to do now...my answer is still dont know despite all the planning and stuff like tat... "DUNNO~" will only pissed my parents off..and other then that i dun really know how to tell them..so avoid...

as for environment..yes i am on the verge to giving up..

till thanks to yiting, lester..they are pulling me...giving me the fuel even though yiting is losing steam too...i seriously cannot imagine myself without environment...would i be just another worker out there?

i am just angry with myself..for being so useless in decision making...

anyone in for L4D? i just wanna vent out feelings...

2010-05-13T13:46:00.002+08:00

today aik kiat just call me...

my target is to work at bayer, hopefully able to get posted to germany...

at the same time..i want to study uni...

at the same time...the current company i have no error with them..and they are training me up and well...encouraging me...

my plan is to work for 2 years..if i dun get into uni now...the current company is keen..yet my heart is over at bayer...

cos, i know in there i will be happy to be able to do my environmental work and work in bio...there got aik kiat and sally...my nanny dad and mum...and this company is not very environmentally friendly not supportive over my environmental work...i will not be able to pursue my environmental commitment but they are nice to me...

so where do i belong?

what is my purpose of life?

????????????????

should i work 1 year for this company then try uni, while in uni still pursue my environment work then after i graduate go into Bayer and work?

would i be too old?

2010-05-13T08:49:00.002+08:00

happiness is not given, not earn...

happiness is find...

find the happiness in everything u are doing..even if it is minute...some times u dun see it..as it is use to neutralise ur sadness...

the thing now is...i am feelingless..as the happiness found is use to neutralise my sadness..but now i am finding for more...how can i search for more..

i am looking into my heart...

where the blood flows

where the feeling glows....

maybe soaking in sadness is bad for health

at the same time...

习惯就好~

its everywhere...

the difference is the amount~

2010-05-12T08:48:00.002+08:00

recently i have been losing myself..

I seem to have withdrawn myself all from the environment works...saddening...

i sat down here as i am typing with a whole lots of stuff in front me to do..i realise...i lost myself and drown myself in the piles of work, pursue of career and earning more money and money..

yesterday i receive my 1st payment for tuition...wow...my hard earned money...but i realise i lost so much time...i seem...to have lost myself in the working life...

in a dilemma state..what's my purpose of my life?

as i am working...i realise...

wasted time cannot be recycled...

2010-05-10T17:28:00.003+08:00

on saturday..when i went back home after tuition...

after i sat down...quietly in my room..with no one at home...

tears just rolls..everything just burst...I realise I have been forcing and accumulating all my sadness that went exponentially high high...till...when i had the free time i simply just burst like a balloon...

had a long cry...nv cried so long...realise how much pain i had that i told myself it wasnt pain till i realise there was an inflammation...

stuck...is the best word to describe me now...

numbing myself with all the work in my current company..taking up more and more tuition jobs..yes..i am running away...from all the facts...

yesterday was mothers' day..yet i totally did not see my mum...i do not know how to face her..felt so ashamed..only could just go out and teach tuition the whole day...went back home to eat dinner..they packed for me..but i just cant eat...

i have been only having 1 meal a day..either lunch or just breakfast..cant seem to eat for the other meals...just no appetite..

i wonder..how much weight i lost...

2010-05-06T15:20:00.002+08:00

my mood have been hitting rock bottom, not able to come up and breathe...everyday seem so moodless for me..

uni application result is out..as expected i did not get in..though i told myself many times before and prepared myself for this day...and not hold on to any hopes but i still chose to hold onto that glimpse of hope...and the sorrow hit me hard enough..what adds on more are my parents..not words of comfort...but words of harshness...

expected it though..unlike many family...mine was different..i wasnt able to be like what alcina said, never get in, nevermind, not the end of the world still got many routes to go...but now i am truly lost..i really do not know what to do...

Mrs adeline koh is so nice to lend me a helping hand..she just help me out in the appealing..yet..i dunno why...i lost that light in me...i could not smile truly and that is burdening me in my internship...

as i am in sorrow, i numb myself with my intern project by trying hard and fast to complete it...each time when works end...other den monday, tuesday and thursday, i hang my head low not knowing how to face my parents at home...that is why, if any of u have a job for me to do on wednesday, friday, saturday and sunday...please inform me..i wanna work..cos i dun want to go home...

mothers' day is on sunday...and i just given my mum the worse gift...

graduation is round the corner..my parents won't attend it, i wont want them to attend too..as i will be a shame to them...do i even want to go?

maybe a pursue in passion was a wrong step to take...

~~~

2010-05-01T19:49:00.003+08:00

today is Labour day...

a day to do hard labour!!! =P

haha..no la..jkjk..at least for me it is..hehex...

i woke up in the morning 6am~ to cook for my whole family..fry bee hoon today...yum yum...den headed for my 1st job:

tuitioning at boon lay...the girl was very guai today..the boy was naughty naughty...that i had to scold him..then he emo...=O hmmmm...but i did not rly scold him hard...just ask him a few questions and he keep saying "i dunno, i give up" he is more impatient then me =P but due to that he had a 5 minutes lecture from me, "if you want to give up, then you dun need to continue you primary school, you want then you work hard like ur sister..if not den you can dont study le"

sounds bad...

but..after that i headed home munch my bits of lunch...took my little cutie and off i went on my cycling there to bukit batok student...3pm cycle back...maybe too long nv cycle...leg became soft.. =P after that had to give my little cutie some adjustment...long time never use..curious to know what my little cutie looks like:

Standing... its not very big though but seat and handle bar can be adjusted to fit a giant like me..

Folded, very small and compact very light too..height around my knee height...

tada..that is all for today... =D

2010-04-30T22:20:00.002+08:00

sick sick sick...

sian...

running fever ytd..now having a unclose tap of nose...haiz...

work going to start soon..and i just aken up 1 more kid for tuition which i will cycle there...wahaha...long time never cycle my little cutie...will take a picture of my little cutie bicycle..its foldable to be a smaller cutie...haha...a bit rusty as i have not clean it for years...but just have new air pump in...=D cycling~

sharilyn welcome to work life...

hopefully uni application result come out soon..so i can know what to do next in my life...

life is a bit bleak...i know 1 day i will find my purpose in life..for now..just walk blindly...till i find that piece of purpose.. =D

2010-04-24T07:40:00.002+08:00

Before I go for my work...

here is something dedicated to someone:

HAPPY

21st

Birthday

Rachel Chew!!!!!!!

May your wish be granted by Pooh~

2010-04-23T20:30:00.002+08:00

Most of the blog readers would know I am giving tuition...

I thought it would be easy as it is something that I have learn and all of that would not be difficult to me...

I realise It wasn't the difficulty of the syllabus...it was the PATIENCE...like many other people have said, it is the patience that is the big obstacle...that is why many parents chose to hire tutors as they were afraid they were not patience enough..

Partly because we grew up and keep upgrading our knowledge..and whatever below seem so simple and an insult to our intelligent...but always remember we were like them before...struggling with out maths, english and fascinated by simple sciences that seem ironically simple to us now...

i love the way their eyes are full of passion, their inquisitive mind, their thinking minds when I ask "why is it like that?" I have learn that we should not teach them and spoon feed them with answers cos their school teacher does so...

tell them, they will learn and forget,

show them, they will see and try to remember

let them do it, they will remember and not forget..

smiles...i hope I become a passionate tutor...

looking for more night jobs anybody wanna hire? haha...cant take up too much or my environment work ppl will come after me...

I felt I grew up a lot a lot..I do not know whether to regret or not...But i realise there is no turning back...future is pretty bleak...I wonder where is my next stone...I hope as I walk along i will see it..even if its a de-tour its better den not seeing it at all.. =D

last but not least...I am glad to have a whole bunch of env peeps around me..cos they are my friends.. =D friends not large in quantity...but in quality...once a junior, always their junior..there is no particular event...just thought of how you guys were there watching me grow up guiding me in growing up...THANK YOU!!!

2010-04-22T09:06:00.003+08:00

today is Earth DAY!!!!!

So as for today..lets try to be green..and educate ourselves on the green issues...

hmmmm...as you can see the picture above...Man kind is stupid?

I am promoting a show call: THE AGE OF STUPID

It will be on Channel News-asia, 7pm today..since its Earth Day. As for the review..it will not be up till tmr or even later..cos I will not be watching it today...

I am going to teach tuition today...

my 1st assignment for tuition..I am going to work my heart out..Cos i dont really wanna go back home so early..probably going to find a few part time jobs to do at night..

My internship has been approved!!! =D they were saying if I do not go into uni, they want to hire me as a perm full time staff like sutomo..even have the position for me le...so happy to hear it..but intern 1st..

for the rest of your...those having exams ganbatte!!! study hard ya..this goes to the env peeps that are in NTU, NUS, SIM...and also to Da Sao> JOlene..jiayou!!!

those in poly..congrates on a whole new term...must enjoy every bits of it ya!!!=D

those working, work harder and smarter..its going to be pay day soon.. =D

that is all for today...check it out soon~

2010-04-21T09:51:00.002+08:00

yesterday i went to work..but quit after that...want to know why?

i am not sure if any of your did work on this job..

its a paid voluntary work...most of us would have been approach before to purchase some $10ticket thing for charity... but the fact is $2 goes into the "volunteer" pocket which i felt its not morally correct because to be if its meant for charity den do not take a cent of it...its im-moral to earn from charity even though not all goes into your pocket but its still taking money tat is not mean to be yours. If you want to do volunteer work den do it for free...

following that..today morning got a whole lots of scolding...haiz..should not mention here..just felt in-justice..in due of respect, tat was why i never rebut...but if you say friends betray that is why do not help friends, but help family members, dont family members betray too?

if we dont help people den when we need help wont no one help us too?

CDL ECO RACE

2010-04-17T20:16:00.005+08:00

today's post will be in green...

there was a CDL eco race today, from SP all the way to city square mall...

I was suppose to participate in it...but due to mis communication (results of not going online for weeks) i did not.. =X

still i would say fate it for me to be there..as a supporter!!!

together with mummy, bro and jolene sis we went there..to shop!! hehex...so we shop while the rest was playing and stuff...

around 2 plus den i went to join and see them..hehex...got dragged into take photos with them..I was wearing white..and them in black..probably a bit too outstanding..there were many funs that i heard...

still we can always join in next year..woohooo...cheers...=D

today go shopping...mummy bought me a very cute bag..so cute till i wanna put it in here...

here it is:

cute rite? my bags are always bought by my mummy she do the shopping i do the using.. =D almost smae for clothes..she do the choosing i do the testing, she pay for the paying if we are out together...sometimes only though... =D

cute bag..cant wait to use it..hehex...though it is abit kiddies..but its cute!!

today's feeling is: Happy...

still got lots of things to do..yiting wait ar..i am doing your stuff... =D

2010-04-15T18:29:00.003+08:00

Did you catch that magnificent show yesterday?

It was the charity premiere for SEC at Shaw Lido, airing the movie Earth – the journey of a lifetime. I did, and I had travelled around the nature in the movie screen. It was indeed a journey of my lifetime that I would not be able to do it physically but visually. Here is a short review about it.

The movie started out with a very warm scene of polar bear cubs learning to slide down a steep slope upon the call of their mother. At the same time, it has shown how sacrificial the mother polar bear was to feed her last reserve of milk to the cubs despite her in starvation of 5 months without food. It was truly captivating on how, the mothers in nature - be it polar bears, elephants, deer, mandarin ducks etc care for their cubs despite heading towards danger....

to read more click here~

this is a review I done for youth habitat...indeed yesterday's movie outing was cool~ and fun~ =D

here are some random pictures

In the movie theatre...

yiting the polar bear trying to eat me up!!!

Me and Kenneth

lester and Jing kai, *shy shy*

2010-04-14T08:46:00.002+08:00

tada..

at last i went to watch this movie...wanted to watch it..but did not get the chance to watch it...hehex....

went to watch it with brother tat hong~ he was stuck bored at home cos he took a lot of leaves...so hio a few people but all not free...duh..its a weekday those who are studying are studying the rest are in army - serving the government... =P

it was a great movie that portray dragons as dogs...hehex...so cute~ just that they eat fishes and can fly...they enjoy being pat like dogs and all they want is a bit of love from you...

it has show love can do a lot of things... =D

this few days have been tired...though i am stuck at home...but i have been a good girl..haha...

was cleaning the house doing housework on sunday...went to do marketing on tuesday..cooking and a lot more..hmmm....i have a feeling of being a housewife.. =P just that there is no kids around...

haha...

been stoning and thinking a lot this few days also..dunno why...maybe cos nv do anything that is why brain must work work if not going to be senile soon~

got my phone back after servicing...they change everything inside him except for his cover...awwwwww....now he is a changed person..i mean phone...he has completely lost his memory of me..other then the memory card inserted into him...

was given a complimentary ear piece too... =D

today...i am looking forward to attending SEC charity premiere show...Earth - the journey of a lifetime..

I was searching for the review..but cant seem to find 1....but i am watching it today!!!at 7pm shaw lido...so happy..hehex...

I will be doing a review on youthabitat website after the show..check them out ya~

2010-04-07T10:17:00.003+08:00

I was listening to joyce blog song...

if i am not wrong i heard it in the 1 litres of tears...a very nice touching show...and i am still listening to it..will go her blog more to listen to this song.. =D

monday went ice skating with dacai, jia xin and pei xuan...fun fun..though i never ice skate before but we learn very fast...maybe because got inline skate background le...it was very fun...we hold hand and skate..cos scare to fall down alone.. =P

there are some random photos..will update this post once i transfer the pics in...

part 2: as stated in my cbox, i am suppose to intro =) (smiley face) a book...here is the book and i will just state one of the story in here...due to copyright reason.

The book is called: Opening The door of Your Heart

I cant find a big picture of the book..but it is written by Ajahn Brahm

Not a romance book...its a Buddhism story book..no offence to other religion blog readers...Indeed an inspiring book, my standard of book reading have been increasing and I have certain demand on the standard of the stories, but this book was indeed captivating. It is many reality checks for me and told me to be happy...

contentment is happiness...but how many of us can do it?

here is 1 story that truly touch the raw nerve in me:

2 bad Bricks (summary)

It may look easy to lay a brick, just a dollop of mortar underneath, a little tap here and there. When I began laying bricks, I would tap one corner down and to make it level and another corner would go up. So I would tap that corner down and the brick would move out of line. Tapping here and there, everything just does not go in place.

Being a monk I had patience, I made sure every single brick was perfect no matter how long it took. Soon, I completed my 1st brick wall. I took a step back and admire it, I realise there were 2 bricks out of place. They spoiled the whole wall.

I ask the abbot if I could knock down the wall and rebuild it. He said no, the wall had to stay.

Months after months whenever I brought visitors around, I would pass the wall as quickly as I could.I did not want anyone to see the wall.

One day, a man stop my the wall and said "a nice wall" I replied "cant you see there are 2 bad bricks there that spoil the whole wall?"

What he said changed my view, "Yes I can see the 2 bad bricks but i can see 998 good bricks as well "

For months, I only see the 2 bad bricks and I was blind to everything else that was good and wanted to even destroy it.

How many people ends a relationship or get a divorced because all they can see is the "2 bad bricks". How many of us feel so lowly of ourselves because of the "2 bad bricks in us"

That is the story I want to share its not totally the actual story. Check out the book. If you know me, you might wanna try borrowing it from me. =D

This story had strike my raw nerves and shook me up on how we have always been judging people from their "2 bad bricks". Similarly I would like everyone to see the big picture...

Years ago, I remembered a guy being condemn for his wrongdoings, and i remember how much I tried defending him saying all his vital points I believe those who heard me would already have forgiven him and be his friend...

but years later, I realize i did the same mistake the others did by condemning another guy for his wrongdoing...with this story it strike me..on my mistake..I really hope he doesn't condemn me for this mistake...

All of us are like the wall, we all have "2 bad bricks", we all are not perfect...

its just a matter of compromising...

2010-04-01T21:18:00.003+08:00

just a piece of life...

was chatting with one of my close friend..and happen to thought on this topic..controllable fate and uncontrollable...fairness of life and un-fairness of life...

fate~

something that we can change and can't change...

we can't chose what date we want to be born, cant chose our parents, our siblings..and our background...

but we can change things after that, improving background, build bond with family...etc..

if you believe in fate, you will leave everything to it, having the thought what is your will be yours, what is not is not...is it right?

those who may not believe, believe in strongly fighting for what they want as they believe fates lie in their hand...but is it true?

Or is it~ we can change a lot of things through our decisions those are the factors we can control but at the same time there are lots of things we can never change cause they are things that we cannot change..so which is fate? the factors we can change or the factors we can't change?

or is it that fate is everything? every decision we make and everything that is happening is already planned and we are just going through the flow in making that decision...so what is fate exactly?

honestly...i dunno..

here is the definition that i search:

Fate is the supposed force, principle, or power that predetermines events, as well as the inevitable events predestined by this force. Those who believe in fate, believe (whether directly or indirectly) that their stay on earth has been decided long before they became a resident of said planet. So here we are, an insignificant blurb, on a planet not bigger than a speck of dust (in the grand scheme of things), hurtling (seemingly) endlessly through space, progressing towards some fate decided by the cosmos and therefore out of our understanding. We can, however, at least try to grasp what it truly means to accept fate and then determine whether or not to believe in it. So...

so which is this pointing to?

complicated...i am thinking too much....i dunno whether to believe in it or not, but i will still fight for what is mine, at the same time i will submit to fate if i need to...so what kind of believer i am?

*blurred*

that is a thinking topic for readers...for the past 20 years of mine did i predict and control it to be in this way?or is it fate? or a mix?

Part 2: fairness and unfairness of life..

is life fair or unfair?

life is both fair and unfair..

life is fair in giving you 1 thing and not giving you another..just like some kids who are deem not normal, so call 傻人..they don't have the intellectual, but be surprise they are given happiness...

they live their life happily..are we? most of us live in this condition:

since young we have been told whatever you do after that will be happiness,

if you pass your PSLE with good grades your parents are happy, you go into secondary school you are happy....is it?

Following, if you pass your O levels with good grades your parents are happy, you go into further studies you are happy? really?

You go into tertiary education if you do well your parents are proud of you and you can work and earn money you are happy? how true?

you start working and think, if i earn money and i can buy the things I want and i will be happy?how many things do you need to buy to be happy?

when actually, being happy is being contented with what you have isn't it?but say is easy, doing it is another story...cause i can't do it myself too...

back to fairness...

ever being punish for bad deed you did not do?

ever being scolded when its not your fault?

did you complain this way: why is it me, me,me, me, me and me...why me?this is something that i never do...why is it me that needs to be punish...why me?this is so not fair...

look in another way...

did you ever complain:

why am i not caught for my bad deeds..why why why..why am i not caught? why am i not caught? i am suppose to be caught but i am not caught..so unfair...

did you?

at times, take it as a compensation...though you did not do it, but treat it as a punishment of the bad deeds you did previously and not being caught...isnt it better den complaining why is it me?

haha..but i am not tat noble..cause saying is easier den doing..cos i am also always complaining why is it me....

these are some food for the brain...to think think think... especially people like me...feed my brain with some food or it will shrink... =P

have good nite thinking.. =D

2010-03-30T19:10:00.002+08:00

真正的爱情有那么容易放弃吗？

一位好朋友问着我。。我想了好久好久。。。

我以为我人身不会碰到一场真正的爱情。。但我错了。。。是我一直很怕去接受那段感情。。。

当我一个人坐着，我只想到他，当我知道他根另一个女孩子在一起，我心里有一种奇怪的感觉，当我没得看到他的时候，我有一种很想他的感觉。。

不知不觉我发现他已经是我身活的一部分。。我真得不能没有他。。。

另一个朋友说，不要因为他所犯的错误办他死刑。。我一路来都对他的所作所为感到感动却没有那骨勇气一起陪他走下去。。。

如今，我不怕了。。

我希望他能掮着我的手。。我想和他一起走下去。。

他是个大傻瓜。。但是一个感动我的傻瓜。。一个让我明白只要坚持下去，爱一定会到你的身边。。

我想和你一起过很多个一百天，过一百岁。。走一百个国家，看很多一百种花，一起走很多个一百步。。。

不管你要出海多久，我都愿意等你，因为我知道向对方的时候我们都会扛着同一个天，同一个月亮。。

傻瓜，不管是病或健康，不管是快乐或伤心，你愿意吗？

My apology to blog readers..this is written in chinese..meant for someone special to me...

2010-03-28T11:35:00.002+08:00

Yesterday started out early for me..

had NYEC 2010 at 8am!!!!

have a few keynote speakers..and some discussion and stuffs..realize whatever was brought up was the same issue over and over again and again...

to me there were nothing interesting that hook me up to pay close attention to..not that it wasn't fruitful..

but due to the various workshops i have been attending and everything was repeated again and again..there wasn't any interest for me as everything was stuck in the baseline and "only talk, no action"

That all ended at 5pm..

had like 2 hours before Earth Hour..so together with the RP ppl, Cindy, yun Hua, lester, chee hiong and jing kai we went to jurong point to have our dinner...

time tic tock and we chat and chat like we know each other for a very long time.......................

ring ring....

it came...haha...

had candle burning, eating..chit chatting...

till i caught 2 ppl...each biting 1 corner of the bread together..and its like only a quarter of a Gardiner bread...close to kissing point..

want to be couple so much, pls go and find some corner in SP and spend ur honeymoon there and not in front of so many ppl...

still glad to have the RP people around..brought me lots of laughter and smiles... =P

thanks to juniors who organize earth hour and inviting me..hope the photo was nice...and RP ppl who came down and support... =D

2010-03-25T20:10:00.002+08:00

yo~

I am currently now super bored state...i dun really know wat i am suppose to do in my life..

the final semester results is out..i am happy with the results... =D it was the best sem ever... =D

though its out..but i have a feeling tat..i wont be able to make it to uni... =(

saddening rite?

but life still has to go on..so now i am looking for a prestigious place to work in..hopefully can aid me in entering uni...

so..i am not saying i will not enter uni now...but i will enter...within 2 years..just like guys go NS..i go work 2 years..gain ample experience to aid me thru the uni application, treating it as a compensation for my poor grades... =)

there is still hope in earth.. =)

recently..i have been pretty emo-ish...

very emoish...

emo
emo
emo...

but..
life still has to go on..trying to lead a happier life...

2010-03-19T12:40:00.002+08:00

YEE is over..3 tiring days...

It was really real fun and many exchange ideas and presentation opportunities..

got to know more friends and more innovative events... =D

the feeling of after graduation day...

i knew this day would come as time will pass by, and just like all my seniors we all leave the school.

I believe all my seniors felt this, your felt your juniors including me had grown up. No longer how your thought i was in year 1. Be it good or bad.

Similarly, I felt the same towards my juniors too. Those that I culture them in my hand, encourage them and also see them grow. What I realise was, I nv groom enough of them, maybe i just lack of time. And i did brought them some pain. Seeing how much they grown to be strong I have a feeling of satisfaction. But there was a feeling that is indescribable in me....

I remembered how we 1st met, I remembered a lot of stuff we did together, all the jokes and rumor going on when i was their seniors.

Like dan dan and bear (ppl who know it will still laugh over it..)

and many many more...memories were in me, but only now i was seeing them in me. Still..i would like to wish them great endeavors ahead...time to time..i will still remember you guys...

I seriously miss you guys..and for the rest that i didnt had much contact with, dont hate me ya..maybe in future we have more contacts...

2010-03-16T20:28:00.003+08:00

wow after trying so hard to find a job..i did not get a job..haha...

instead..i was offered a job by someone whom i nv ask for a job..hmmm..tat is to go back SP to work~

I had young scientist synonium last friday...but i wasnt really in competing mood...but more of eating mood..they serve us with good food and treat us like pigs..though i did not ate much...we wanted to go have fun in playing in science centre..but mrs koh siok im was fetching us...still she let us have some fun in the store...where Mr wang just sweep the toys tat we touch cos he wanted to buy something for his daughter...awwwwww~

saturday

i had a lot of fun making cupcakes for mei hoon's birthday~~~ here are the pics...

happy

21st birthday! Mei hoon~

1st attempt..everyone who ate it is fine~ i am thinking of going into F&B...but this look pretty ugly to be sold...but the taste was not bad.. =D

sunday was one of the disappointing day where i did not get the chance to go out with them to have fun~ so sadden by it...but i am still glad they like the cupcake... =D

monday was like slacking and immersing in my drama shows...

today was the fun~ we had YEE...it was both fun and boring...the fun is the facilitator was good and had lots of activities and we keep mingling around with one another...the boring thing is..the dry-ness of the topic...and the difficult level was another heavy stone tat cause most of us to be in the sian mood...

but yi ting came today~~~so happy...haha..glad to see her... =D

oh ya..YEE got lester...from BYEE we become YEE..and thanks to the in charge we became "VIPs" hahaha..no la...jkjk..

looking forward to tomorrow workshop again...hmmm...den again its 830am~haha...

now now...lets divert...

i am immersing myself in a Buddhist book, but shall not blog on it yet..yup..i finish the whole book..inspiring i should say... =D and i saw wat was in the book to the life i am leading now...

here is another penny of thought which doesnt relate to my religion...

growing up...

why do we aim to grow up?

tat girl i saw...

was a sweet girl...

yet...

immerse in the maturity of luxury...

do we really have to force ourselves to dress like an adult?

be cos we want to grow up?

why give up wat you have now...

for wat will be yours in the future?

why hurry into the future and dun see the precious thing you have now?

all i felt was...

why not just be yourself?

who you are is someone many ppl loved..

2010-03-11T19:07:00.002+08:00

yes I am jobless...

maybe i just did not try hard enough...cos i am rather aimless..

i have got 5 months to waste..and i wanted to plan well..but i dunno wat i am planning..or wat i am suppose to chose..

i wanted to be a volunteer in children's aid society to be a tutor...
i wanted to be a tutor cos it earns more and flexible time.. - but i cant seem to get an assignment
I wanted to find a healthcare related job so as to widen my scope in my studies...
i wanted to just earn money so i can spend more...

haiz...and none of it is going the correct way~!!!!

i am just bumming my time away...in anime and cooking..........before i know...tada...tm is YSS alrdy...

2010-03-11T09:02:00.002+08:00

what exactly is love?

After so much..i realize its a scary thing...something that I don't want have it something that I want to gt rid of my life..

its bittersweet...but..

its totally bitter for me..

did you ever consider what I truly want? or just assume that what you give me is what I want...how do i exactly feel?

you only want my support and never did consider whether I am happy or not..

when the time passed, it is past...no matter how hard you try to get in again...its nothing..the door is locked..there is only 1 chance..and you choose to blast it up...

fullstop..the end~

2010-03-07T19:48:00.001+08:00

i dunno wat to do?

am i suppose to go out and find a job? or wat?

i feel like rotting at home..i dun really know wat to do..YSS is coming and yet..my poster tat is suppose to be due tmr is not done...=l

haiz...i tink i will start searching job...

2010-03-05T09:36:00.001+08:00

YEA!!!

yesterday was the last day of examination!!! and everything is over.. =D

that marks the end of my 3 years in poly...

now its time for a good break...

this is the end of this road, and i am embarking on the next journey ahead...

LAST MARATHON~

2010-03-02T18:50:00.002+08:00

its the last marathon...woohoo...

immunology is over..hmm...i thought i died terribly...maybe not..i dunno..

now left agrotechnology...=D

erm..erm..i am kinda moodless to study..like many of you out there..holiday mood away...but there is so many things to worry after exams..and i have 1 pile of stuff waiting for me to clear after exams...

Alcina, nick, e wen, kenneth, tat hong came to my house on saturday..for CNY gathering..how nice..its always nice to have a small group...we enjoyed saboteur and citidels...hehex...lets have it again soon!!!

YEE 2010!!! i will be seeing lester and conservation IG...tgt bringing SP Env...haha...the battle of the schools...no la...jkjk...

i dunno why am i am suppose to be there..but just pei them and listen to jing kai talk about BYEE...and pick all his faults..no la, not that bad...

i have been doing lots of stuff...in preparation after exams...hehex...

i am graduating...are you? wish me luck..and hope to see me in my graduation gown soon~

this is the end of this path and the beginning of the next...are you ready?

2010-02-16T10:25:00.003+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR~

hmmm...

wat was happening in my new year?

day 1:
study in the morning...
went to 3 temples to pray..
go my grandma house eat curry...
study in her house...
sleep in the room...
go uncle's house and eat dinner..
play poker card there...
go home changed...
go for midnite movie...percy jackson and the lightning thief...

talking about poker cards..haha..it was a big loss for my dad..haha...i was a banker tgt with him..in the end..at the last round we lost pretty much...maybe i wang my brothers they were the winning people..haha...

blah blah blahx...CNY ended le..now den i post this.. =X

fun fun fun and more fun~

2010-02-10T20:15:00.005+08:00

had so much fun this week since only got 2 tes and 1 job interview that i never prepare~

tuesday 9/2/2010 is ah dawn dawn birthday..sutomo buy cake and we cheated her to the area... =X here are the photos...

so many people's birthday...haha...

then 10/02/2010 which is today..is Prisillalalalala birthday..and also our class outing...here are the photos... i realise we have been taking so many photos as we are all graduating..all the class photos...=D

Job interview:

Class outing

pizza bigger den my head...

we are pigs who finish all this..

2010-02-06T10:10:00.004+08:00

its the 401 post!!! so many!!! wahaha...

FYP wasn't over as i was nominated for the distinction panel...freaking stress out to the core as:

monday: immuno test
tuesday: GLMP test
Wednesday: submission of cover letter and resume
thursday: Hybridoma test
Friday: FYP Distinction panel

freaking wat the hell!!! no time to practice for it...haha...but even so...mine was like at 3:40pm, and kah yan's was at 2:00pm...we were busying cam whoring...

i totally had no mood to practice at all..and here are the pictures..u will realise we are overly stressed till we are crazy...wahaha...

2010-01-30T10:12:00.003+08:00

ITS OVER!!!

yea~ wondering what was over? FYP!!!! FYP report is over, FYP presentation is over!!! woohoo..

8 credit unit module is over~

now is hell...

Next week is week 16, here are the items due:
Immuno report exp 3,4
Immuno dry report 5
Immuno test on Monday
GLMP test on Tuesday
Molecular modelling presentation on Tuesday
GLMP Clinical trial assignment
Cover letter, resume on Wednesday
Hybridoma test on Thursday

welcome to hell..its going to be exam soon..my 1st paper is on the 24th of Feb..tat means no enjoyment on Chinese new year...

2010-01-23T10:46:00.003+08:00

wow..

thanks to alvin i am in youth habitat now...
and thanks to NEA i am in YEE now..
thanks to shang ming i am in WWS

so..i am glad i have another home to go to even if i were to graduate from SP and no longer belong there...

even if i am not in all this thing..even if you are not as active as me...but you can go green too..becos going green is about being simple.. =D

2010-01-21T20:11:00.003+08:00

recently my days have been hell!!!! arrhhhh....save me...but that is the nature of FYP and year 3...had a fun dialogue session ytd..today was one f my last practical in SP...tmr is my last..

here are some pictures of the experiment photos on fishes..i mean baby fishes...

Fishy embryo

fishy egg

fishy tail

cool ya..all these are taken under the microscope...

here is a cute picture of my sick girl girl...

get..back to work...

2010-01-17T16:58:00.002+08:00

year 3 last sem has seem to be super fast paced..or am i the one filled with lots of stuff?

it has really filled with many activities till i cant even have the time to sit back and think thru what i have done...

though its fast paced...but i am glad i am choosing to enjoy it to the fullest..as i know..when i graduate..i won't be able to lead such a life again cos life goes on and things will change and all this will be memories..

yup..now i am able to realise i am breathing...but soon, i will be doing up many stuff that will be marking the end of my poly school year...and going towards a new beginning.. which i currently now do not know what i will be doing...

so..those that are still in poly..enjoy it to the fullest ya~

2010-01-14T20:27:00.003+08:00

Thaddeus, my fair queen...

My FYP team with Mr Principal of my School..at SPINnovex..

My Poster~

Showcasing the BEST? Am I the BEST? hmmm...i dunno...

ON Stage presentation..so scary~

I Guess this is all i will post as picture...

in the presentation - the one that i am in green...that was done in my secondary school...i broke my own record of 5 mins presentation~ woohoo... =D short, sweet concise and impactful...hope i brought the message across to tired kids...

after that i took bus back with the kids...and that ignite so many memories in me..remembering how i use to take bus home with my friends..the thought just rush in...and i was just stuck in the soothing thought of it...

awwww...

did another round of presentation during AGM..though i was a bit stumbling..but i hope i brought the message across with 10mins..

ts not a matter of what you can do, its a matter of what you want to do...as long as you want to do it, you can do it...

those that came to AGM did you bring this msg home? I hope i was impactful... =D Life have being tiring this few days with many things to do..so many colours in my high..so many frequency...like what alcina say..enjoy it to the fullest..cos that is a student life...

don't ask me after poly what i want in life...cos i am stump...i cant really see the road in front..i hope to have my passion as my profession..but will it kill my passion? though i say, as long as its my passion i will enjoy it no matter how tiring...i clasped my hand and wish this is true..still afraid of stepping into the new step...

haha...before that..hmm...i did well in MST!!! i thought i will die horribly...but...

2 As and 2 B+( which miss 1/2 mark to A), 1B (which miss 1/2 to B+)

pat on my back...jiayou..i am aiming for all As...woohoo...

maybe i just want to fulfill my parents wish of getting into uni...that is all parents wish..that have been my parents wish since i was a primary school kid..since they saw my good grades when i was young...

i will be un-filial to disappoint them..i will not try my best..i will do my best..though i doubt myself..but many friends believe i can do it..many say i will be able to get there...from there..i believe in what they believe in me...

i believe i can do it..and that is what i will believe in...

2010-01-13T08:04:00.003+08:00

hmmm...so long never update..until eileen is haunting me... (refer to cbox)

i have been like super busy to even blog properly...
SPInnovex
School reopen
Rushing of FYP report
doing Environment club stuff...

till i dun even know what i have done and what have i not done...still have 2 more homework to do..and it is stuck there...arrrrrhhhh...haha....

hmmm...i got many photos to upload..will upload them after this blogpost....maybe tonight? or tomorrow~

2010-01-03T10:02:00.002+08:00

10% of life is what happen to you
90% of life is determine by how to react to it...

one will say we can always face things in a positive way...but is it really true? sometimes..we really do have to face it a little negative or we will not be able to see the positive sight...

guess this is one of the darkest moments in my life...could not rmb the last time i was like this...still work has to be done, life has to go on...here is the therapy i am going on:

chocolates as a happy medicine...
blasting of music to close the world out...
numbing with work as the best insomnia drug

or maybe i trapped myself at home for too long...trapping all the sadness with me..jie ask me out today..guess...its time to go out for a breather...still...i feel so reluctant to come out of this shell...

once again...i know what is pain...but the differences is..i guess i know how to deal with it..hopefully...though this pain is way more pain than b4...

smiles smiles...is wat i have been telling myself...

2010-01-02T22:27:00.001+08:00

everything is over...
i think...

THE END...

3 nights in tears..and healing of bruises..still on a cold war with dad...refusal to see him...

new year did not feel nice afterall..

2010-01-01T11:28:00.002+08:00

AN UNHAPPY 2010 YEAR!!!

everyone is wishing to have a happy new year..so am i..

it all started all fine, going to sch as usual...having FYP so stress up with it..and nicely, together with env alumni, we all watch avatar 3D together..having a great time...

but why everything has to change when new year came closer...had a big fight at home..you mean i dun even have the rights to defend myself..and every sentence is a talking back? i dun talk back to you...but why why...when i did you treat it as being not respectful and not treating it as i am saying what i feel...

when the father of your daughter say your daughter is a slut, as a mother of your daughter instead of defending your daughter you ask your daughter to shut up? is this right? i dunno..or am i being wrong to defend my own reputation? you mean if people were to say i am a slut i have to sit and agree with it? is that who i am in your eyes?

after a whole round of talking back, i get a whacking which i probably did not defend against..till my brother step in..cried to bed not because of the bruises inflicted externally, its the heart the feeling that was hurt the most...while everyone was happily saying happy new year, which i was trying to tell myself..i found myself saying it in tears...

on this new year...it feel so shitty...even have a person rubbing in...FUCK tat person...

still life has to go on..i hope the new year ahead will not be this bad...still want to tell everyone, and wish everyone a:

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!

2009-12-25T20:41:00.003+08:00

merry christmas...

hmm..so wat have you been doing during christmas?

this year christmas is pretty bland..and really no mood for it..ytd had a not very enjoyable gathering at my grandaunt house cos i practically dunno any one..and had to call ppl who are younger den me uncle and auntie...

today...i was suppose to get work done...but totally no mood for it..feeling so lethagic..brains are moving..but the hand just doesnt wanna work...just wanna hide...

after christmas is over...it will be hell...there are things to do..and i have to start clearing all of it...smile smile..stay happy...

jiayou jiayou...lets start clearing the smaller ones..might be easier to clear...

Chocolates~

chocolate a common gifts for christmas or birthday...

If someone said chocolate make people happy... that person is a LIAR~

i ate chocolate in hope i would be happy...but i didnt...i got more sad...cos i felt fatter... i though the 1 chocolate was not enough so...i increase the dosage and felt more sad...

haha...jkjk....

merry christmas~

blur like sotong...

2009-12-23T21:22:00.002+08:00

going towards a blur-er future...

Today went to repair spectacles..but the optician say that my specs is blur due to the wearing off of the coating on the lens. And my degree has increase quite a bit. To many it doesn't really matter, but to me it matters a lot as it means towards a blur-er future..

so you must be thinking why am i so emo? IF you know me and seen me..you would realize my glasses are relatively thick...ya..that is because my degree is real high...my right eye is currently now 1175 with 200 astigma, and left eye is 1050 with 150 astigma...i am so blind...

after the guy fitted a tester for me to try on while trying to figure out my degree, i realize i was living in a rather blur world...that explains why i keep taking the wrong bus seeing 963 as 106...

how how how? the cost of the specs is weighing me down...though dad was the one who pay it..but i feel so guilty..cos of my pair of blur eyes...

now i am really blur like sotong...

2009-12-19T20:04:00.005+08:00

Smiles smiles~

THANKS THANKS TO:
ALCINA
KENNETH
NICK
MEI HOON

its a simple birthday gathering they did for me...so touch...it was raining cats and dogs...but it did not damper our spirit...

Alcina greeted me with a nice nice balloon...

tada:

we head to botanic garden and celebrated my birthday in a shelter with its roof leaking water, but ken had poncho so we tied it at the roof and squeeze below...the 4 of us crap and eat eat eat a lot alot of food...and play cards...

simple and nice...so touch...

Alcina doing a stunt...

nick talk to my hand~

tada...popping a champagne...

Cheers~

2 drunken man~

after that we went to dunno where to play L4D 2...haha..1st time playing...so fun haha...shoot shoot...my name was blueberry cupcake...and all the jockey and charger and tanker keep attacking me...must be they like blueberry a lot play for 1 and half hour...tada, alcina gave me my part 2 pressies..

den we go over to west mall on bus...talk talk talk...until reach bukit batok...den meet until mei hoon...we went to KFC, had eating again...den here comes the cake~ its a panda cake...yum yum...cut the cake and eat the cake..den got this indian toddler who was so interested in my cake and balloon at the other end of the glass door..so gave him 1 cup cake...he look so sad when i was leaving...

My Birthday Cake~

My birthday cake with 19 years old candle...

Make a wish~

Stab the cake~

The toddler~

once again..i had a lot of fun in tis birthday outing...thanks for all the gifts and throwing this mini gathering...really really touch by it... =D

2009-12-14T09:12:00.002+08:00

Holiday How are you spending it? hmmmm....dunno...all i know is there are a lot of work to do!!! =D

so lets not talk about work..dull and boring...hmm...lets speak about Environmental Politics at Copenhagen...

I am not supportive to the people who stage the riot!!! If you truly care of the environment then speak PEACE~ this is absolutely not the right way to show your voice...VIOLENCE? you think this rocks? it sucks to the core...if you care for the polar bears and stuff, have you care for the HUMANS around you? Any idea if you hurt the HUMANS around you? To love others, please Love yourself!!!

I am not anti-environmentalist...like duh~ i am a environmentalist myself...but this is not the way to show politicians how we feel...VIOLENCE get you nowhere...Dun let people have the concept that environmentalist are a bunch of barbaric people who are uneducated and pick rubbish by the road claiming to go green...HELLO!!! we are all civilize, if the POLITICIANS are already discussing about this environment problem, can you guys sit and listen??? STOP being impatient!!! So what if it drags for another few days? We all have been waiting for YEARS Since RACHEL CARSON's times..she is like no longer around and we are seeing her FRUIT of her labour...so can you guys WAIT!!!

Disappointed in those Environmentalist who stage a riot~ there are many ways to show your feelings...but riot is not a correct way to show it...It would be better if you can show it by doing fruitful actions...like doing a petition letter or doing roadshow promoting green issues then to spend this money on rioting~

Lets stop being negative...stop all the facts that polar bears will die, whales will extinct, mosquito will spread, countries will drown. STOP!!! Can we be more optimistic? This concept is not WORKING on people..it simply turns them OFF...." Die die LO" cause of the continuation of this negative propaganda it is turning people off and they simply don't care~ The polar bears are not in their sight...so what if you can take polar bears drowning? do they care? no they don't...so what if you say they country is drowning, as long as its not happening now, they can't feel it now..they don't care... Can we be more positive? POSITIVE!!! no point trying to frighten them, it will not work~ it will only BACKFIRE... Every Effort of each human is worthy, that makes us the world...so why start turning 1 human and the other off... Start to persuade them positively...not saying " if you don't go green, the polar bears will drown" THEY DON'T CARE!!! Not everyone is like us, who wants our next generations to see polar bears, to see the nature that we see...The challenge to environmental problem, is to convey the message in a POSITIVE way, can you do it?

Letter to the Politicians

To the politicians,

A salute to you, glad you have taken the 1st step to embark on environmental solution but there is a long way to go. Since u guys have all decided to sit down and discuss over environment. We as citizens of the world hope to receive good news on environmental solutions. Please make your carbon footprint by taking a plane be useful.

You have come upon on a Global Stage where your performance will be judge by the audience of the world. We hope that you will not be a selfish evil person who wish to guard on your own country. There is no such thing as " What can I can i benefit..." since its a global stage, we are looking for a global solutions, so no names of your country. You are the chosen ones by your citizens to speak, We all hope you can do a good job to speak like a politicians, feel like a citizens.

No one is asking you to sacrifice your economy to go green. Believe that, Economy and Environment protection can be together. They can co-exist! We are not demanding you to go back to primitive age living in shabby condition. We don't need to give up on what we have now, we just need to re-think what we want. Its the same, I will not want to give up my laptop just to go green, but I will re-think what I want, I want the Earth to be save, I use my laptop to save the Earth communications and many more. You can use Environment to drive the Economy, that is GREEN ECONOMY. You do not need me to tell you this, because you people are high up there speaking for me.

Ignorance is not allowed, you are educated, way educated then the citizens..we hope you can use your intelligence to be good use for you, for me, for the citizens of the world, and the future generations to come.

Signing off,

Sharilyn
a small environmentalist

~A small effort can make a big difference...if I can do it, so can you~

2009-12-13T19:14:00.002+08:00

re-feeling of the pain of losing a friend...

its getting closer to my birthday...tat is why i felt the intensity of pain...went to look all the pressie tat i receive last year...and saw that pressie from a lost friend..the pain just shot straight into me...

been keeping myself busy day and night so i will not think of anything...guess..i cannot run away from it...yup..friends come and go..yet true friends dun come easily...*poof* i lost a friend...

and i felt the pain again...seeing the pressie...that explains the explosion of emo...no mood for holiday cos of the freakingly sucking MST, nearing birthday reminds me of the past years on how i cried and stuff..and losing a friend...or did i coop myself at home for too long?

i dunno..

2009-12-12T19:51:00.002+08:00

MST IS OVER!!!

i am suppose to blog yesterday...but was taking care of bro...he fell sick...running high fever...so i became a nurse...nursing him with towel trying to bring his temperature down...

so tired...~

slept today afternoon...nice sleep...

hmmm..enough about it...after so long...my SPCA stuff are here... =D my 2010 diary and calendar!!! wooohoo... cos i was thinking of getting one..since i wanna get 1..den get 1 for a good cause...but travelling to SPCA is so far..so i embark learning on how to make postal order and get it all done up... =D

MST is over...yet there are lots of things to do...
Environment projects - Eco bus, and byee
Final year project to complete up
a few more reports to do...

blah blah blah till i cannot remember... =D

My birthday is coming!!!! its 19th...hmmm...but it doesnt feel it is coming...pressie!!! haha...this year there are not a lot of things i want...but dunno why...maybe last year all of your spam me...=D i receive so many love last year..all spam me with soft toy...more then i ever own my whole 18 years of life..this year...no more soft toy...no space to put...i dun have more den alcina...but i dun have so many love to give so many soft toy..haha...

this year...things tat i can use...yup..so whenever i use them, i will remember all of the people who gave it to me... =D

this year got no wish...but fear...

where am i going after poly?

i wonder~

2009-12-08T14:55:00.001+08:00

phew
phew
phew
phew
phew
phew
phew
phew
phew
phew
phew
phew
phew
phew
~~~~~

today's immunology paper was not that bad still do-able..working hard and strong for thursday agrotech...i have got 40plus fishes scientific name to remember and a lot of technical name for planting to know...arrrrhhh...

deleting space for brain cells..

2009-12-07T19:30:00.002+08:00

SHIT
SHIT
SHIT
SHIT
SHIT
SHIT
SHIT
SHIT

Haiz...its so saddening...1st paper bybridoma was already a piece of shit...emo..really...i am like so dead...see my coffin?

forget about it and concentrate on others? i am like bad luck today!!!! i lost a bear...emo...today is bad luck...haiz...hope tmr will be better...really feel like crying...but really no mood, no strength, no tears to cry...

freaking...i will study hard de...not i will..i already am....

2009-12-05T09:47:00.005+08:00

life has been hectic...
very hectic...
my brain seem like bursting,
like a cell lysing..
so many things to do,
yet i am catching a flu...
spare me for the moment of truth,
that i really need to study too..

being a student is hard,
being a good student is harder,
being a studious good student who excel in everything is hardest...

the freakingly thing about life as a student is group work..
having good group-mates is a blessing...
having group mate tat say,
just edit yourself,
simply pisses you off and increase your stress level...

hello~
not as if you are the only one that need to study...
so we decided to be cruel and bad...
and i simply just draw the line...
the line of work...

MST is round the corner...
and i see my grave lying there...
welcome to hell...
it tells me so...
soon i will be dead all over...
even so...
i am working hard so as to die a beautiful death...
and not die like a crushed rat...

all i can say is..
my mind is blank~

tell me wat to do~

2009-11-30T19:14:00.004+08:00

Dear Reader,

All i wanna do is to save the Earth together with you, i believe you are sick and tired of hearing things like we are dying if we dun save. Come on, lets start on a positive note...simple?

Together, we can make a difference, and that is all i am saying to get you sign the below petition...its still your choice...

smiles..did you sign it? tag on my tag board to let me know...

2009-11-26T19:38:00.002+08:00

OMG>>>>>>

i am so cui~ i am so tired...i am so...dunno...lets not complain... had a lot of things going on..doing environment stuffs, many reports to complete and a lot a lot tat i cannt rmb without my organizer...

i need 2010 organizer~ haha...getting it soon~

graduation party was ytd..duet from camilla and sut...hmm...no chemistry!!! haha...oops...it was ok~ got photos..but i lazy to upload...i am seeing stars..hmmm...

2009-11-15T16:29:00.005+08:00

i am back..got miss me? haha...there are like lots of stories to say..and i am gonna take my time to type it out... there were lots of fun going around...thanks to aik kiat, rachel, lester, jing kai and malini for making me feel so home... =)

everything was like a dream..and i wish i did not wake up from it..

saturday
it felt like any other day...slacking at home..trying to pack my bag...everything was so cock up...suppose to be meeting env at 730pm, but my aunt was late...so nvm...met them at 8pm, did not have proper dinner...glad they had come and send me, cos my parents did not come... thos tat came were: dan dan, mei hoon, rachel, shang ming, kenneth and ms angel... check in with a heavy bag with all the winter wear and stuff... it was past bed time when we boarded the plane..tolerated till dinner came..it was fish~ did not really like it alot...soon finishing it, i watch ice age 3...and den sleep...for how long? i also dunno...only knowing we all wake and sleep back a lot of times... and tat is how times fly as we were flying...

Sunday
sunday morning...reach munich...early morning there, but afternoon in singapore..aik kiat (nai pa) treated us to a hearty breakfast...yum yum...all in german words... but the food and service was great!!!! from there we were suppose to transit to koln, some of the envoys on the transit plane!!!! cold...brrrrmmmm....we blow out mist..having all the fun of blowing... transit plane was smaller..we were all enjoying the view of koln... =)

reach koln, we have ppl coming to pick us up, took the bus, very cold out there...but i really like the weather... check into the hotel..and was greeted with a nice file, calandar and a welcome letter place nicely in our rooms... had a change of clothing and headed down to the hotel restaurant to have lunch...

here is not a good part..we were all thirsty and hungry...only to be greeted with sparkling water which is not nice, and sparkling apple water which is not nice too....the still water (which is normal water) taste salty!!! =( the food looks great...but...saddening..it is all salty... we so did not enjoy our meal there... =(

our nai pa...wanted us to experience koln and since it was a free day...we went out to walk...he brought us to the city centre where the cathedral was..but before reaching it, we were nicely lost..haha...the train track was complicated, and the train number did not match its track...it was super cold tat day...and we were enjoying all the view in the cathedral..following a vertical challenge..came at the right time, as i was all sleepy...we climb 97.25m up!!! the view was excellent!!!! by the time we are going down, our legs wobble..arrrrhhhh...haha...after that aik kait treat us to ice lemon tea and peach tea which taste slightly different from SG...upon heading back to prepare for the welcome dinner we were lost...due to the train system being all messed up...we ended up in dunno where...but its ok...we just took it to its last station and U turn back same as SG...the best thing abt there is their train station, you see vandalism, everywhere but a artistic one and start wondering how did they even manage to doodle in tat area which are inacessable?

welcome dinner was suffering as most of us were suffering from jet lag..all of us were zombie..they had games for us to play and i team up with a korean girl call ky hwa a pretty nice girl...had all the question ans and *;poof* the 4 of us went back to the hotel room and declare asleep...

monday
a complain greeted us, haha..from lester...cos jing kai snore like a pig!!!! lol...it must be torturing for him...its the start of the week and we had a lot of stuff going on..headed to bay Komm, their communication department..wow was the only word to say!!!! we were give a warm welcome and they did an introduction about bayer to us. From there they brought us to a mini tour of their exhibition which i can say is fascinating and that is the place i want to be in.. I wanna work in...even aik kiat was surprise by the size of BAYER...they are ealing with cropscience, health science, material science, environmental science, sports, arena, football with addidas we were like wow!!!!

after tat was lunch follow by a short introduction of us, country by country we were wondering what our country map would be? a small dot cos tat is how we look on the world map...the person was pretty nice and intro us as the recycling group as all of us are doing on recycling...we were the youngest team to be there as most of them there are like in 20++ and all are from university except us!!!!oh my...but that does not mean we are inferior towards them, as personally i feel that in every country we have different set of problem and have different solution...one thing that i have notice among all views were, there were no holistic view they were all atomize "my country have this problem how do you think we can solve it" it was never "as a world what do you think we all can do to solve this problem" that was something lacking in most discussion, even jing kai think of this way too...but i cant blame them, as everyone have to have their self interest first.

shortly after that was lectures which i felt was inspiring...but shall not write all the content out or i will never finish this post email me for more details...it is revolving around green economy and we singaporean team had our own view over it... =)

after that we were brought to the cathedral, but it was all dark and gloomy wasn't tat nice as sunday, except this time round we had a guide that speaks english and told us the significant of everything...following he took us to tour koln aka shopping...no la..jsut show us where to go shop...it was raining heavily according to them (which is equal to singapore drizzling) but the rain was icy cold...so...the typical singaporean did not shop...hmmm....cos it was too cold!!!! we park ourselves at MC cafe with aik kiat(nai Pa) treating us to a nice cup of hot dark chocolate!!!!! yum yum!!!!1 best i would say comparing to singapore that is 10 times better....after that we headed to our dinner venue to have our dinner~ that was when i had my 1st cup of beer...taste wasn't tat bad and i was not drunk..haha...it was pretty nice....the food was not bad just that we were all felling aslp other den lester, jing kai and malini who were drinking away...it was then to the hotel room and bedtime!!!

*middle of the night*

our room phone rang!!!!! not ghost, it was lester...asking us to open our room for him to squeeze in and spare him some sleep from jing kai...he slept on the sofa and off to bed...

tuesday
lester with the tired eyes...we headed to AVEA the waste management in germany, was almost falling asleep during the lecture as the translator has a lullaby voice and some wake up calls when she drop the mike on the floor...my ear almost burst...we got to know a lot of facts that why germany citizens recycle unlike singaporeans, as in germany they pay for every g of waste they throw, and recycling is free..singapore is its free to throw your waste and you get money from recycling...so which is better solution...i would say the germany one!!! we went to their sites and i was amazed by how specific they were on segregating their waste, not only plastics but different kind of plastics, not only metal but different kind of metal and even had a compost site...cool? their recycling facilities were high technology and doesnt smell like a rubbish dump, every where had clear signs and proper bins...applause to germany that is something singapore should learn...and we cam whored all the way...

from there we headed to their tropicarium, where it is a greenhouse building with tropical plants growing and it is a office building cum alot alot of thing...like a mini lost world...they introduce to us all about crop science (welcome to my world) and had lunch..yum yum..it was nice!!!! from there we went to their eco commercial building which is a kindergarten!!! i am so impressed by their work on it..its zero emission building and we are still trying to convince aik kiat to migrate there...cos there is such a good kindergarten there for his daughter...*oops*

following we had lab work!!! dress up in lab coat and goggle...and it is PCR time!!!! my world, so me and rachel teach lester and jing kai all about it since we were like pro there haha...and they extract DNA out and run agarose gel...it was the 1st time of lester's life doing all this...must be tough on him...but can see he enjoyed it..its something new to him...travelling from there was to Bonn...

we were at their former plenary hall of german bundestag which is like our parliament house..it was like super big!!! and we all felt like politicians...=) listen to the panel discussing on sustainable development and getting all sleepy...until jing kai spark a little debate among us~ hehe...had fun passing the paper full of debate answers among us which i thought was fruitful..as the panel discussion was really applicable to singapore e.g. overpopulation~ we are having ageing population...so it was fruitful among us to know wat the each of us were thinking as a singaporean....we cam whored and headed to the boat for dinner...

dinner was on boat, yum yum!!! hmmm...but all we realise was, we had too much laughing just the 6 of us till we are practically full to eat anything else...haha...oops...there were performance too..who came to our table and show us magic tricks and balloon sculpturing so sweet of them rite? our dinner were complicated but we took little of it as we laughed too much and a cup of wine which i did not finish...it was back to hotel, and lester camp in our room for the nite after a hot chocolate drink and biscuit plus chris angel show...

****are you still reading it?****

there is 3 more days to go~
and i am tired of typing..but i promise alcina to complete this post...arrrrhhhhh...its a week long of program after all....

Wednesday

it was the press conference day...where it was meant for the journalist who came from all over the world...we sat and listen to it..interesting it was..but there were multiple loop hold and many confidential stuffs...it wasn't really answering any questions...sadded...

we had a nice lunch...it was sushi time!!! the waitress felt we were super hungry and place all the sushi in our table so nice of her...and as soon as she came back again, it was to clear all the plates and top up more food..haha...we are singaporeans... =X after that was presentation on "seal the deal at copenhagen" and tunza program...it is indeed interesting and also heartfelt to know such a program where teens like you and me can voice our political views...why let politicians disrupt environmental issues?

from there we were broken into our groups...all 4 of us were in the recycling team..woohoo...and we did our presentation...small one though... =) interesting to know other students project too and the scale of it...ours seemingly small and minute that was we have limitation (this is not excuses!!!) yup...from there we went to a old castle, schloss burg, i was emo-ing dunno why also...but in the castle i like to walk alone...and disenage myself from the group...i wonder why...got suck into the ancient time...and enjoyed every bits of history of it...and merlion might have existed..i really dunno...cos we happen to see a drawing on a gun which looks like a merlion...

there and then we had dinner...and it was filled with laughter? no..i was emo-ing...dunno why!!!! had little food but it was nice...had a little wine again... and i went out without my jacket just 1 piece...cooling was the word..shiok is another..haha..out in 3degree in 1 piece i must be nuts..did ntos tay long cos it is freezing cold...went back in, in like 10 minutes..haha...i was pure lazy to eat that day even though i was hungry....the group went a bit cranky by dancing...hmmm...i wonde why, maybe they are drunk...haha...from there we were back to hotel...

rachel and jing kai went to internet room, leaving me and lester...so we were waiting for them, mean time we had our bath...soon jing kai came back...waiting for rachel to sing song together...for our performance...waited and waited and waited...until rachel was back...aik kiat came together and hear us sing...hmmm...we were not bad singers....i would say one of the best time i sing..haha...maybe cos there were feelings in it...rachel and jing kai went to bath...and unknowingly...i fell asleep in the guys room, and shortly later rachel came and join...so it was 4 to a room..jing kai really snore loudly...but we were too tired to be bothered...

thursday

***still reading?***
headed to bay komm again...and listen to a round of lecture...wasn't really what i wanted it to be..but it was good enough..shortly we were dispatch to our respective workshop, mine was water quality together with jing kai and nai pa...it was ok...there wasn't much useful information for singapore water quality...but something tat most developing country can learn from...shortly..we had to rush to a teleconversation with lian her zao bao reporter...we were interviewed as we were munching our lunch...busy day for us...and after that we had a bit of spare time..we were cam whoring at the japanese garden build by bayer...it is beautiful due to its yellowing leaves falling...photos are the best...from there we say our last good bye and went to the incinerator...

incinerator plant was similar to singapore and there was nothing new other then it is bigger then the one in singapore..we walked their chemical treatment plant for a while...and from there went to lumbricus...a ecomobile, a bus which is a lab for kids to study about soil and water quality...interesting ya? its 1 projct that the 4 of us are intending to carried out in singapore...hope it will succeeds...

from there we board the max pruss, a lab ship...and tour the rhine river...had a cold air of the river and even attempted to take samples...cool? yupz...there and then we headed back to the hotel...

and rush to the supermarket..that is where all ur chocolate came from...yupz...we only had 30mins to buy chocolate..so it is:

Seven Singaporean went to the Supermarket,
Sweep the items into their bags,
Swipe the cards to make payments
Slam the door upon leaving!!!

lol...its not true though...=X we got change and headed to BayArena where the award ceremony, dinner, performance and partying starts...we were all dress in batik shirt just that we girls dress it in a different style...and everyone felt we were special and wanted to take a pic with us...hmmm...i wonder why...maybe we were really look nice to them...

typically, after the awrd ceremony, it was dinner but before we could eat we were all laughing away till we were full to eat...hmmmm....haha...typical...after that was performance..which i tot we were odd!!! cos our song were moving song while the rest were high songs and dance...hmmm...its ok to be special... =P the performance were nice to see...they were great performances!!!

partying!!! my 1st time ever got down to the dance floor and party!!! i did not drink though...just unlease the feeling in me and dance to the beat...its my 1st time..and a few of them tot i was a frequent club-ber..no i am not...that was my 1st..and they told me to go partying more...haha..that will not happen in singapore i am too busy with work... but tat night i really enjoyed myself... felt like any worries had dissipate...went back to hotel at 12:30am, rachel wited for me..so nice of her..and she went to use the internet..leaving me lester and jing kai...jing kai went to someone room, we were saying goodbye to venezula as they were leaving...and met titus from malaysia in the corridor gave him a hug as he was leaving in the morning on friday just in case we miss him...we had cup noodles, it tasted heavenly!!! haha..u dunno why also..maybe we are sick of bread..=X

again i slept without knowing how i slept in the guys room together with rachel...and jing kai slept on the floor...

friday...
all of us almost could not get up...after staying up till 2am!!phew...luckily we all did, and me and rachel packed our luggage the night before...had our breakfast...last breakfast at the hotel...waiting for the guys who took a long time...

we went to bay arena, this time is to tour the place...hmmm...my hands are tired...bay arena was nice, and beautiful...magnificent...i will leave it to you seeing pics in facebook...after that we went to the city centre to do shopping...which we did not buy much due to the overload of our luggage alrdy...and so many things on hand...

430pm, headed to airport..check in was scary due to the overload...phew luckily got aik kiat with me..or i really dunno what to do...it was plane time and i was too tired..and i slept...had dinner on plane and breakfast at SG time 2pm, arrived in SG at saturday 430pm, so i was obviously jet lag...

that was all in germany...when i have the time..i will slot in the photos...

did you read till here?

2009-11-04T21:56:00.002+08:00

Lets Welcome a new reader on the house: Eileen from BYEE aka RP aka Conservation IG*clap clap* =P

its like going to be a few days before i am heading to Germany but i am like kinda not excited? hmmm...someone cut my emotional wires??? so if you have been thinking why not? and guessing what I am feeling right now? my answer is busy? is that even a feeling? ok` more of vexed..there are like so many things waiting for me to lay my hands on and I only got a pair of it!!! there is tons of report to keep up with and piling data sheets which i am like placing them at the back of my mind...*huh* so what have i been doing? burying myself in my notes...

this is a hellish semester even though it is the last..there are like way more new things to learn that are probably from another course DBS which was fused into ours..so why are we learning it? I dunno...haha...but it is a fun knowledge...though it is only another semester to suffering..well maybe not as i wish this semester never ends..i am starting to enjoy classes more then any other times, maybe the class can be cold sometimes but there is something different this semester which i do not know how to describe..probably is some "pre-graduate" feeling?

today was a hectic day...with a lesson, following by agrotech practical which followed by immuno practical and subsequent FYP...its so hellish to even eat a proper meal!!! when i had some tiny bits and time to eat something decent the pizza hut play a trick on me...saddening indeed..but they were kind enough to make up to me by a large compensation in terms of food which i thought was a super great deal...as i was to meet eileen and yao jie for dinner..i needed help to clear the food!!!! My Solution? Dominic's FYP group...i knew they were going to be in school till 10pm+++ i assume they would be cold (due to the air con) and hungry (they really were they skip lunch) to kindly help me finish the untouched food..thanks guys.. =P i i thought it was suppose to be them thanking me instead..haha...

an outing with eileen and yao jie...simple? yupz...just a simple meal of $4 noodles in orchard road - i knew you will wanna ask why...go all the way to orchard road to eat $4 noodles...hmmm...cos they stay in yishun and i stay in bukit batok..it was only convenient for us to meet somewhere middle..it happen to be orchard..haha...un street wise people like me and yao jie just tagged along the tour guide eileen to lead us to the places that she want to bring to go... borders...a great store to be in, but not a great place to spend your money...the books are expensive!!! i wonder the worthiness of the books...*calling for sponsors there are 4 books i am interested in, please leave your contact number...jkjk* the books were great...i wonder whether should i go back there to buy those book...after that was home sweet home...

tired~ that's all for today folks..nites..

2009-10-30T13:06:00.002+08:00

aiyoyo...so long never blog le...

recently life is terrible...due to sickness...before tat had lots of fun at the body world with env ancestors...hehe...seeing all the body parts make me hungry..haha...jkjk..

it just ignite my initial passion for biology...how perfect we are created into a full system that fulfills everything we need like a portable laptop...

hmmm..yes i am sick...1 week before i am going to germany..with a terrible cough and flu..was nagged by my dear mum and dad to get going to the clinic and get a system check..haha...was wearing mask and treated like a H1N1 patient...*normal* nothing was really diagnosed..just took my medicine and left...did not take MC cos i dun wanna miss school anymore or i will be so dead...

slept pretty early..and did not do much revision... *OMG!!!!!* haha...trying to get myself back to original state before i fly...

there are still alot of stuff waiting for me to do..reports, write up..homework..and many many many many many many many more to do...oh man~my luggage is not pack yet...oops =X will start packing it soon~

thats all for this post bahx...need to go somewhere else..

2009-10-24T20:57:00.000+08:00

here is a very cool video about how our inner cells are working...xuan you shold be able to identify all the parts le wor...

to the rest..just enjoy the animation...its pretty nice...

2009-10-21T20:05:00.002+08:00

today was indeed a normal day plus relaxing..

morning class was interesting to have a fun teacher around..subsequent met a friend to pass items to someone..ate at Burger king as brunch..sat there a while..den is back to school..got to meet CASS lecturers for presentation lessons...=( thought it will last long..but cos today is 1st session, so they keep it nice and short...

after that, my friend suggested we catch a show..very long nv catch show le..so..decided hmm..why not..so went to JP and catch a show..just pick a nearest time slot..which is 2plus..we watch pandorum..

we did not even know what was it about..so just watch..scary...my 1st time watch NC 16 show..alot of gore and disgusting images..it was not the horror kind of scary is more of the shock that they gave..heart problem patient are not advisable to watch...

do catch it..its rather interesting...back to work...

2009-10-20T19:30:00.007+08:00

today is award ceremony..tiring~ very tired...never take so much photos before..never smile so many time until mouth super suan~

here are the photos..there are alot more to come..check out tmr straits time...there MIGHT be an article on it...who knows..

The Stage

Me and My Grandmother...

Ms Chan, My Aunt, Me, My Grandma and aik Kiat...

Me and Yao Jie..

Me trying to cut Yao Jie's Head

Me and Zhu Jie

Me and Rachel

Me and Yi ting

Me and Jia Yu

Me and Eileen

Me and Lester

Me and Jing Kai

Me and a Super tall guy..can you imagine how tall he is? I am 169cm!!!

Yi Ting and Zhu Jie (RJC)

Me, Rachel & Yao Jie~

The top 4 going to germany - Lester, Jing Jing Kai, me and Rachel

More photos coming up...tiring~

2009-10-19T18:57:00.001+08:00

school reopen le wor...

LAST SEMESTER...

awww...awwww....dun ask me what am i going to do after tat...i really dunno...

last semester feel so unreal..unlike other semester i had my bag packed..this semester..i couldnt sleep..dun feel like packing my bag..

dunno wat is this no feeling thingy abt..

tmr is award ceremony day...happy? i dunno...

wat is all this feeling?

2009-10-15T18:54:00.003+08:00

story telling time??? yupz...

i am Earth..and here are my voices- read on the news, watch the videos and feel my sadness.. If you are feeling sad for the people who were taken away during my cries then feel the same for me...

Natural disasters are my cries can you feel it? its feel with sadness...its a burst of my sadness that was trapped in me...All i want humans to do, is to hear to my voices and to save me, to heal me...pls was something I could say...

I have no voice to speak, i have no hands to write what i feel..i have no means of way to throw my tantrum like a little kid to say that i'm sad..the only means is to hurt you..do you only learn when i inflict pain on you...i dun wish to..but you continue to be ignorant..what goes around comes around...the more sad i am, the more hurt you get in return...

i send out plentiful of messages about me in pain..but you wouldn't listen...only some, some..some people who loves me became my voices..but you turn a deaf ear on it..my topic is no a political topic..pls..i am in pain..i need you is to heal me..like a doctor healing a patient..like a mother sewing a broken toy..Because only you can~

I couldn't take it, i had a massive burst..typhoon are my tears, quakes are my stomping, tsunami are my anger..can you feel it? or do you only feel for your fellow human beings?

I need is your love, your care..and i will love you back as you are part of me..and yet you are stabbing knives in me..please plaster those wounds...

A story written by me in tribute to environmentalism...

“The human race is challenged more than ever before to demonstrate our mastery - not over nature but of ourselves, as we are part of nature” - Rachel Carson (Pioneer Environmentalist)

2009-10-10T21:40:00.003+08:00

Pass few days have been tiring too..even though i am on break from FYP..Thanks for that break, i really need it a lot...

have been going to bayer for briefing for the germany flight...and to botanic garden for the video shoot..tiring~ and mass shopping with lester, rachel, jing kai and aik kiat for all those stuff that we needed to bring for the trip...on top of that, there are still stuffs to do and completed before everything is ready and done for..

my parents were strongly against the idea of me going germany, but upon persuasion from my lecturer and plenty of assurance and them seeing the light that i am actually working hard..i guess that was a form of saying sorry after all the accusations...

today got mini outing..its zain & e wen b'day celebration cum mini env pinic-ing at vivo city (actually is sentosa)

this is one of the most enjoyable outing..i think at times just a small group of us going out can be so fun and thrilling as compared to a mass amount of people going out...its just the 6 of us, sitting at vivo pinicing with fruits and bread and playing saboteur game can be so simple yet so fun~ if i did not need to rush home i will really wanna stay and pei them through out everything...

we even give them a nice animal,
e wen is hamster
zain is tortoise

.here are the photos of today's outing

A cupcake looking with muffin texture and brownie taste birthday cake made by alcina..it taste nice jie..dun worry abt it..at least to me its nice!!! both e wen and zain are 1 year old..

here are the hamster and tortoise with their cupcake..the hamster fur is messy tat is why it is trying to comb its fur...

hamster...frustrated abt his fur...

oh no..their birthday wishes...protecting thier candles and wishes...

hamster wants more wishes...snatch from tortoise..

sadded hamster wish dissappear...tortoise say nvm i create 1 more for u...

so now? cheers..lets eat our cake...

hmmmm...but tortoise is more interested in his toy...

us? haha..watching the free show...

the 3 of us...

tada..the 4 of us....

tada...the 6 of us..wahaha....

2009-10-07T10:02:00.002+08:00

here i wanna thank so many people,

first is all those that have help out in my project:
mei hoon
pei xuan,
kenneth,
marcus
zhi hao

thanks for making it going towards the correct direction!!!!

second all the seniors that taught me on dealing with all the organizing and stuff, though you might not think you are directly related, but all the experience you gave me leads me to where i am today!!! of course i will not forget about your!!!!

still wondering what am i saying about? thanks to so many people, i have an achievement~ Bayer Young Environmental Envoy 2009 top 2 winners and get to go on a trip to Germany...*nod nod* will not forget your presents...

that is a good start...you must be thinking i must be super happy~ yes i was indeed shock and stunned to receive the news...i went telling the people in charge and many many other friends all were happy for me...but after a couple of hours realizing i won, my mood hit to the lowest...

dun get it? even though i have won it, sad to say, my parents are not supportive about it..i was splash my a pail of cold water with my mum saying " so? i am not interested, i am only interested in you going to uni" upon asking that i need to renew my passport, she said "i never say that i will be letting you go"

tada, i pail of cold water from someone who is important to me..so now my mood is neither up nor down..just stuck and wondering is this win a good win or a bad win...

2009-10-06T09:31:00.003+08:00

thanks to all the people who help out in the carton boxes making to recycling bins!!!!

here are 2 nice photos:

can u guess who this is? look at the next pic for answer

Tada, this is pei xuan!!!!

this is us being crazy...

2009-10-02T19:36:00.002+08:00

guess i am a disappointment

i gave up on driving...decided not to drive le...shake head...

things have not been going right for me...

FYP is packed with loads and loads of work..which are indeed interesting but brain burning with all the thinking...and need to rush a report and presentation on what i have done...stress~

env project has been the biggest burden on me..i wonder why...never had such a trouble...dunno why...can't even have proper manpower in helping..thanks to all those that help out or are going to help out..seriously need a lot of manpower...i guess i can understand how rachel felt when she was doing G-POP...shake head...

life in my family has not been going straight too...in a mist of a cold war too...dunno what to do with it also...shake head...

*close my ears* i wanna sleep...all emo-ed up????nah...just mood-less,though i am doing something for a passion~

2009-09-28T19:15:00.003+08:00

i am suppose to blog..but i have not been blogging...cos it is either..no mood...or no feel to blog...oh my..i wanted to blog on the parental maintenance act and some nice nice pictures that i took...but i am too lazy to do so...

recently have been FYP-ing...and alot of household stuff, plus env stuff to do..chokng myself...and the saddening thing is, each time i drive a car out, i get into accident...haiz...i am starting to give up on driving..i seriously wonder how did the tester even pass me...

my dad brought me to the 99 bend in buona vista, amazingly with so many bends here and there going upslope and downslopei manage to overcome the bends and not getting into any freakingly scary accident...wat was dissapointing was, i after that i a am suppose to do a right turn, and i hit the kurb...and got scolded for it...emo-ish...

i must be feeling stupid, to be able to overcome such a difficult thing like multiple bends, and not able to do a proper turning...

that was the saddening stuff..there are mass happening..hmmm..hmmmm...i wonder...when will i blog them out...

2009-09-14T15:12:00.002+08:00

even though i gotten my driving license like many people out there...but most of us have to undergo another stage, know as the PARENTAL TRAINING LESSON (PTL) & PARENTAL TEST (PT)..

same for me...the parental training lesson is more difficult then the traffic police test!!!that is cos parents are more demanding for the safety of the child...and of course the car...

i would say, driving out on the road is totally different from learning it in driving school...not forgetting all the parking skills...knock knock real world has no POLE!!! the worse thing is to driving an auto car with only 1 lesson learn in whole driving lesson in school...when i am learning manual -.-'|' this is tough~ and a car which you totally dunno how to operate!!!! it is a scary feeling man~

in order to learn parking i had 2 hours of long hard training up and down, in and out of the parking lot for sunday...and driving here and there on saturday...tired~ got a lot of nagging here and there...but i know where i got my driving skills from...haha...from...my brothers...oops...cos they too creates stuns like me~ guess like what my mum say, she is super scare to sit in our car...haha....

tiring...yet to pass the parental test...guess there is still a few more grueling lesson to undergo... all i can say is...forget everything you learn in driving centre...in the real world, it is up to you on how you wanna drive, of course be a safe driver...

good luck and all the best to those who are learning and going to take driving, and driving test~

2009-09-08T20:34:00.006+08:00

Story telling time~~~~

In My hands: Creating Life

I am a small little part of a plant...be it a leaf, a apical meristem, a root, a shoot, a flower or an anther~ Biotechnologists are my god and goddess, they harvest part of me from my mother..and place me on a petri dish or a mere container sealed tightly...

I am feeding..yum yum...but differently...plants make food using leaves and absorbing light...me? i eat the agar below me...chew chew chew...yum yum...hmmm....something is changing...

yeah..i am changing...i no longer looks like who i was...now i am a mere mashy stuff...known as callus...oh my...this dun look anything like a plant!!!! this must be the work of god~

*blowing wind* what is that? it looks like an operating theatre known as the laminiar flow hood...i was lifted up and place into a new plate...chew chew was all i did...somethings start to change...

*tada* i grow shoots....many many shoots...starts popping out of me...oh my...now i look like a plant...god changes me~ giving me many hands...I wonder whats next?many be legs?

like a foetus growing, i starts to develop to look like my mother plant...but~ all i was was a little plant in a plate...soon...i was taken out...

wow~ the shining light shine on me...i see the sun!!!!! i look around and saw my siblings...all standing tall...amazed by it..i told myself to grow tall and strong like my mother...as days goes by...

one by one, my siblings wilt and die...left me standing...i turn and look...saw a bag...all my siblings are in there...upon looking..i saw those familiar plates..those that i once sit in...i saw many baby plants crying...they were all destine to die...

*poof* in minutes...they were dead..left me and a few other standing tall...we grew up..bloom like our mothers...and became mothers ourselves...but what makes us sad was, to know our kids are just like our siblings...wilt and killed as they were not strong enough...

life had to go on...life have to make stronger...as only the strongest wins~

a little tribute to plants in labs~

2009-09-08T20:34:00.002+08:00

TODAY is a TO have a good DAY~

i was in a total sian diao mood due to yesterday...cos parents pour cold water on me that i wont pass my driving test...haha...and i pour myself with more cold water...blah blah blah...so morning i go for my driving revision...tada...got thru it...hmmm...when it comes to my test???? i remembered the test time wrongly....OMG>>> haha...so i had shorter warm up time..sadded...never mind about that...after that...waiting in the waiting room was one of the terrible feeling..hearing all those that took before you getting all the bad comments..you go even more sian diao...haiz...

but my tester was good...he give me a lot of chance...and put water a few times...phew..haha...he PASSED ME!!!!! yup...yup..so now i converted my PDL (Professional aka Probational Driving License) to TDL (Temporarily Driving License) now waiting for my QDL (qualified DRiving License)...enough of driving...

So now..shake head...

Every family has thier own set of problem...

daughter being difficult to be daughter...grand-daughter dunno how to console grandma..dunno why stuck between mother and grandmother..which adds to more problems when aunts all add vinegar and salt...haiz..

oh well...guess...my house is turning towards the upside down...*close my eyes* hope it will be gone soon...

2009-09-05T10:28:00.003+08:00

Welcome to story telling time~

In My Eyes: Nature

Plants~

I am a small little plant, i came from a mini seed together with all my siblings...but i do not know where all of them went to...someone, something drop me here in a isolation among stones...given the right condition, i am force to bloom...

*pop* i came out from my comfort little room...in search for water i grew roots, which are like legs...they grew deep down into the soil and i suck water from it like a straw...with water, i am still hungry but my legs are stuck in the soil, i cant move anywhere...

I grew leaves as hands...opening my hand wide open asking the goddess of sun to give me food...my hands turn green and i make food out of the light the gift from goddess of sun...

*Squeeze Squeeze* It is getting packed here~ oh my...i have to grow tall in order to survive...with my leg rooted, i can't climb...so i grew tall and high to outshine the stones around me...

*hmmmm....at last* My hands can spread wide open...now i can receive more gifts from the goddess of sun...work work...i work hard to feed myself...

*drip drap* oh no~ its rain...angelic cloud cried in sadness...I have nowwhere to go...how how? I can't find shelter from rain...I can only close pores on my hands...it isn't as bad, now my roots will have more water to drink and i can make more food...

Why not lets enjoy the rain...

The wind came, i sway with it and did a rain dance...The angelic cloud saw my dance and stop crying...In reward the goddess of sun and angel cloud show me the beautiful rainbow~ With that I had more will to grow stronger and taller...

I wish life was simpler that way... not long...here came a pair of hands...who pulled me out....dumped me into a darkness...with my roots in air, with my leave crumpled, i tried to fight living on, but with no food, my hands turn yellow..in sadness i lose my life...and can only lie there feeling brown...

the last thing i felt and saw was..a red hot light known as fire...and my life was given to others...i was then known as ash ready to be use as fertilizer and help the other plants to grow...

at least..i knew my life was there to help others...

This is a fictional story written for this plant:

2009-09-03T14:25:00.002+08:00

super long time nv blog...oops...was busying with all the studying and all doing up all the stuff...

exam finish le..and i am so dishearten...all because of the final paper...plant biotechnology...i am freaking out cos i totally dunno how to do it at all..saddening...haiz...

had 4 papers this semester..the other 3 papers are consider good and well..just the last one..not only did my parents not encourage..they rub in into me by putting salt on my wound that very same day....why like that...

but lets not be bothered by it..i am suppose to be officially on a holiday..but obviously i am not.. cos i need to do FYP...arrrrhhhh...stress till got to retake driving test, still got to do BYEE stuff..i am choking on my holiday...haha...but...

i am looking forward to go out on saturdays...of course with the alumni and jie jie..hopefully i can go out and not get niam by my mother to cut grasses...well...not too sure..but recently have been trying to avoid them to avoid all the scoldings...

since it is holiday hopefully i will have more time to blog..woohoo...back to the old me...=)

2009-08-21T07:53:00.003+08:00

early in the morning~

rise and shine..probably cos i was disturb by my biological clock ringing...wat am i blogging? for the fun of it...no la..dis-stress a bit...after this is breakfast and studying...

exam is round the corner? so what have all of us bee doing? hugging our books and study study study and more study..wat makes you most pissed off? when your parents say you are acting in front of them...haiz...sickening...

heck~ guess i am just going to plant myself in school then to study...no point being at home and study when they just say you are acting..whatever it is..maybe they are caring over my studies..but let things be..after exam is holiday...nothing great about it..haha..cos it is packed..gonna find some fun in it though...=D

exam is like on this coming tuesday..my very nice teacher have not finish teaching the module..thanks lo~ and it is the most important chapters of all..chapter with the S..means there is more then 1 chapter...how nice of him~ there is like make up class on saturday morning to be back for the lesson la, and 2 days later we are to undergo exam..how nice of him~

here is some lame stuff~

whats the best thing to do during examination?

build up relationship with your books and notes making sure they dun grow legs and run away from you.... =D after the exam just dump them..=P